In new New Zealand news, a man has been sentenced to 180 hours of community service for cruelty to a mouse. Which he pulled out of a woman's cleavage. And pretended to eat it and accidentally killed it.
Okay, there's a lot going on here.
Lindsay Rowles was the man and he pled guilty to the charges of animal cruelty and offensive behavior. A charge of indecent assault was dropped in return for the plea bargain. You can be charged with offensive behavior? Yankees fans have been getting away with this for years! Hiyo.
But the most important part of the story is completely ignored by the reporter on this story.
Why was a mouse in a woman's cleavage?
Granted, it was probably a titmouse. But does that make her an M cup? Granted all creatures like to snuggle in a nice, warm, cozy, bounteous, nippleicious bunch of cleavage. Especially men. But if I see a mouse peeking out from a woman's breasticles, it's my obligation, nay duty, to leap to her defense and protect her from the trespassing rodentia. Is that a mouse in your shirt or are you just glad to see me?
In fact, that would make a pretty good PS3 game where you put the smack down on wave after wave of chest trespassing rodents. It combines violence with boobies which is really the sweet spot for most videogamers.
I don't know what's going on here, but we've clearly got an infestation of vermin in the chesticles of the women of this planet. You may remember Batgirl who found a bat in her bra. First, England, now New Zealand. It's obviously a spreading epidemic.
There's only one option. We must set a trap for these interlopers. To prevent disease and rabies and nesting in the naughty bits, we must act and act now. We can't wait for our government to study this to death, appoint a blue ribbon commission to do fact finding and then issue a large bailout check loaded with pork. We should have just put that 700 billion on our credit card so we could have gotten the points anyway.
This post will serve as the official formation of the Mouse Mammary Members. We will spend every waking moment hidden within the breasts of women and laying in wait for interloping vermin. Hopefully laying a lot. In wait. Lots and lots of waiting right there.
Now we just need a few women to help us set our trap.
Don't be shy about volunteering, ladies. We're only doing this to keep you safe. I hope you appreciate the sacrifice.
Now let's fall out and take off those bras for a surprise infestation inspection.