Thursday, October 02, 2008

Simply The Breast

The fine folks (just kidding, they're wackjobs) at PETA recently sent a letter to Ben & Jerry's suggesting that they use human breast milk to make their fine products instead of milk from cows. Their "logic" for this suggestion came from a Swiss restauranteur who was going to do the same thing. Until those pesky governmental regulators in Switzerland told him he couldn't. So if you had already booked a reservation at the Storchen to try the Really Disgustingly Milk-Fed Veal, you can't.

Not surprisingly, Mssrs. Ben & Jerry declined to take PETA up on their suggestion to send their business down into flames. Hey, they're not speculative investment firm after all. Hiyo!

Which is too bad really. Because as creative as Ben and/or Jerry are at coming up with their wacky ice cream flavors, this could really have expanded their product line. Luckily, Ben & Jerry has a Suggest a Flavor tool at their web site. And some poor Customer Service Rep is probably getting the crummy email that spits out for these crazy ideas.

So here's our list. Wow, it's seems like it's been forever since we've had a list, doesn't it? Shut up, you in back there.

Here are the Top Suggestions For Ben & Jerry's New Breast Milk Ice Cream

  • Berried Treasure Chest

  • Peanut Butter & Chocolate C Cup

  • AmeriCone Bra Dream

  • Mint Motorboat

  • Fossil Fuel Fabulous Funbags

  • Bodacious Bacon B Cups (what you didn't think I could work bacon and boobied into one post?)

  • Strawberry Kiwi Sweater Pups

  • Braberries & Cream

  • Neopolitan Nipplelicious

  • Jiggling Gelato

  • Peaches N Cream from the Tap

  • Caramel Co Co's

  • Willie Nelson's Country Peaches Gobbler

  • Phish Fun to Play With Funbags

  • Imagine Whirling Your Tongue Around These Cones

  • Cake Baby Booby Butter

  • C Sized Creme Brulee

  • Jamaican Me Crazy For Boobies

  • Brownie Batter Breasticle

  • Chubber Hubby

  • Dublin Double D Mudslide

  • The Best Kind of Cherry On Top When It's Angry Garcia

  • Tortoise Tata Soup

Feel free to play along at home, kids. Just be glad I didn't trot out that pix of Sexy Sarah eating ice cream. It could have been a lot worse.

Don't worry. When Ben & Jerry call to offer me a jillion dollars for my stupidity creativity, I'll still be here to give you swell lists of laughs.

As far as you know.


kris said...

I lurve coffee ice cream, so I'm going with JUGS OF JAVA.

Reigning Frog said...

You had WAY too much fun with this! There are no more possibilities.

We really do know where your mind is all day!

lostinutah said...

Gross...yet funny.

[F]oxymoron said...

Ha! And a few more...

Half Naked Ice Cream

Vanilla Heather's Bra Crunch Ice Cream

Coffee Heather's Bra Crunch Ice Cream

Willie Nelson's Country Boob Cobbler Ice Cream

Boobie Dough Ice Cream

Tata Sutra Ice Cream

Arjewtino said...

This has nothing to do with breast milk but I would love to see a General Tso's Chicken ice cream flavor.

Stop judging me.

Roxrocks said...

I'll have two scoops of Mint Motorboat please with some chocolate sprinkles on top.