Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Sick or Funny

I don't know whether to think this is sick and wrong or just funny.

Decide for yourself and let me know.

Whomever came up with this probably has front row seats in Hell. Say hi to Johnny Cochrane for me.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Urban Mushing

A friend sent me this:

I've got to take up the sport of urban dog mushing. I can see the competitive aspect of this already. Iditarod can now occur year-round. The Golden Retriever finals would also be hilarious.

I'm going to need a big dog to pull my ass down to the corner to buy beer. I know there's drunk driving, but drunk mushing has got to be okay.

I'd like to see some pictures of a dog taking off after a squirrel with some poor hapless rider hanging on for dear life.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Basketball Jones

Yesterday I spent Easter in a haze of mashmellow Peeps, beer and men's NCAA basketball. Despite the drama of a third game going into overtime, I survived.

The mighty, mighty Spartans survived double OT with the Kentucky mildcats to earn a trip to St. Louis and the Final Four.

If anyone can seriously doubt that college basketball is better than college football, they smoked their lunch. In basketball they play the games in a tournament rather than let coaches, computers and the media vote on who ought to be the champion.

Unfortunately, this means another anxiety filled weekend of college hoops. I don't know anyone who watches these games calmly. Everyone yells, curses, throws things, jumps up and down and really gets into it. The game just causes passion.

I think Seinfeld said it best, "You're just cheering for laundry." Loyalty based on colors and uniforms.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Paradise Found

There's a line in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Matthew Broderick breaks the wall and talks about stealing the Ferrari to go into Chicago. He says, "If you have the means, I certainly recommend picking one up."

Just back from two weeks in Kona, da Big Island, Hawaii. If you have the means, I certainly suggest a trip there. For me, the means meant hoarding my frequent flyer miles until I could afford a first class ticket and scouring the web for a cheap condo.

It's amazing. Kona coffee roasting on the farms, waves crashing on the lava rock, palm trees waving in the wind, snorkeling every day with green sea turtles and spinner dolphins, watching whales breach and send water cascading into the air, hiking into rain forests and erupting lava the same day. You owe it yourself to go. And it's a long freaking haul from the East coast. You will be on planes seemingly forever and getting home is worse because of the time change. Just try to be drunk the whole time.

No 'puter time for me either. Didn't bring a laptop to post and didn't hit a net cafe to even check email.

I'll try to get my shit in gear and post some pix, but no promises.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I'm here for you, Denise

In case you hadn't heard, Denise Richards has filed for divorce from her husband Charlie Sheen.

Yes, if you had less than three years in the divorce pool, you may be a winner.

Does this mean Denise is even more of a pain in the ass than we were all led to believe or that Charlie is an even bigger assbag than he plays on tv?

While I don't want kids, I'm here for you Denise. I know you're six months pregnant and already have one precious tot from bad Dad, Charlie. I don't care. I've had a crush on you ever since I had the misfortune to see Starship Troopers. Didn't know who you were, knew you couldn't act, but god you have a beautiful smile.

As long as you promise not to take any more roles as a nuclear physicist and strain the credibility of the Bond series any further, I'll make you an honest woman.

Ummm,, can we invite Neve Campbell to the wedding? Okay, okay, just asking.

Holy Cannoli

Finally finished watching the first episode of The Amazing Race last night thanks to the magical powers of Tivo -- device of the gods. I do not know why watching strangers get lost, mangle foreign languages (and often English), and the randomness of which cab you pick often determining the outcome of the race is so entertaining to me.

Anyway, it's been determined that I do an awesome impression of Rob (of Amber & Rob from Survivor). Typically, I've only done a little riff on Rob talking about Amber's physical assets. If you don't remember this discussion from one of the Survivor seasons, it went a little something like this:

"I don't know if she's playin' me or I'm playin' her, but that Ambuh's got a smokin' ass."

It's hard to relate via typing only as this is really a performance piece. He sounds a bit like Elmer Fudd and I incorporate that into my impression.

Anyway, during a leg of the race, there are two zip lines that the contestants have to swing down over a ravine. During his, Rob yells out "Holy Cannoli!"

That's definitely going into the act.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Pod People

Slaving for the Ipod currently. I put something like 450 songs on the pod last weekend in preparation of my trip. I've still got three big stacks of cd's on my desk that I've got to pound in before Sat morn. Just grabbed stuff from the 6 shelves. Couldn't find any Hendrix, Michelle "Evil Gal" Wilson. Didn't get nearly enough Petty.

Hawaii for two weeks sounds good. Hawaii for two weeks with a fully loaded pod to keep from having to talk to anyone on the plane sounds better.

Also grabbed two Irish music cd's because I can't imagine what St. Patty's in the islands is like. Figured I'd need a musical fix to soothe the mick in me while I'm there.

Seriously cutting corners though. Last time I sifted through every album and didn't put in any song I didn't like. With that many CD's, I can afford to be picky. Last time I built play lists as I went and had all the Bruce and Southside Johnny in one list called Jersey Boys. Had an excellent work out list with all the funk and rhythym. Also an excellent party mix that I used to ride my bike to.

This time it's put in a cd, pick up a book, wait for the bing. Lather, rinse, repeat. Where will it all end?

I had a weird idea though that may be worth a short story. What if someone found someone's I-pod and fell in love with them? I think this may have been done with a planner or a briefcase or something. You could have the name of the person because of an inscription on the back. And the songs and playlists the person had would reveal more and more about the person. I don't know how they'd meet and you'd have all the tension about whether the person would be like you imagined. I don't know, maybe worth a shot. At least the soundtrack would rock.

So now if I really do lose my pod and someone finds it, they'll find all this Bob & Tom and Irish music and have me institutionalized.