Rudy Redux

You know Davis, and Justin and Faldo and Freddy
Jesper and Beemer and Philly and Vijay
But do you recall,
The most horny golfer of all?

Tiger the blue-balled golfer
Always wanted to chase tail
And if he ever met them
He would leave a bad voice mail

All of the other golfers
Used to laugh and call him names (like Youdaman)
They never let poor Tiger
Join in any skins golf games

Then one soggy Major Eve
Finchem came to say
"Tiger with your balls so blue
Won't our purses grow with you."

Then all the skanks they loved him
When they met at a hotel
Tiger the blue-balled golfer
You are going straight to hell.

Crazy

If you hadn't heard, Phil Spector is in the joint. Apparently the same joint that Charles Manson is in. And Charles supposedly sent a note to Phil asking him to drop by his cell so they could discuss Chuckie's music career. Wow, there's a lot going on there.



How would you like to get a request for a meet and greet with Charles Manson? Talk about an offer you can't refuse. I've got a feeling that's going to put you off the prison chow quicker than any diet pills will.

What kind of music do you think Charles Manson writes? Nothing but love songs I'll bet.

We'll you're lucky enough to know this intrepid reporter. Because I snuck into the Corcoran penal facility and recovered the sheet music from Charles Manson's cell.

Here are the songs that will be one Chucky's first album.

• You've Lost That Killing Feeling
• Oops, I Killed Her Again
• They're Coming to Take Me Away
• Jailhouse Rock
• We Are Family
• Killa's Paradise
• Twisted
• The Wind Beneath My Prison Jumpsuit
• My Killin' [Always Gonna Get It]
• Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
• I Will Always Stab You
• Semi Shortened Life
• Baby Got Whacked
• I Believe I Can Die
• Stab-arena
• My Heart Will Not Go On
• To All the Girls I've Killed Before
• Killin' Me Not So Softly
• Helter Skelter

Obviously, that's going to be a box set.

I Want You Back

This just in.... Michael Jackson is still dead. It's finally starting to sink in. Despite all of the news stories, Michael Jackson remains dead.

Sure, they've already spotted his ghost on a car's hood in England. They call it a bonnet, but it's a hood. Those wacky English. It's like they've got another word for everything. Wuh?

But a Michael Jackson ghost? I thought he was pretty spooky when he was alive.

But while the critically important information about Michael Jackson's life insurance rates still haven't been unearthed, it's only a matter of time. Come on, people. It's always about the life insurance. I learned that from watching Double Indemnity so many times.

Most importantly, it's finally time that Michael's getting his most fitting tribute. He'll be immortalized in butter at the upcoming Iowa State Fair. And don't think that Immortal Butter isn't a good name for a rock and roll band. Don't worry, they'll still have the Butter Cow. I don't know how I'm going to last until the fair starts in August.

But some people don't think butter is a proper art form for the King of Pop. The Iowa fair is actually letting people vote about it's propriety. Vote early, vote often. Just like you live in Chicago. Apparently the statue will have an astronaut on the moon and MJ will be moon walking. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty far way to go just to shoehorn him in there and ride some coattails.

Savvy fair-goers know they have to keep the sculptures inside a temperature controlled environment. But in case there's a power outage and MJ's statue starts to melt, it'll look just like the real thing. This is a little like when we got to vote on the Elvis stamp. Which nose do you think they'll use on MJ?

No matter how the vote goes, they'd better still have the Erotic Corndog Eating Contest. You don't mess with tradition.

Bat Out of Hell

I know this will be hard for you kids to believe. Barry Bonds and his second wife, Liz Watson, are getting a divorce. For those keeping score, she filed. I know! These two crazy kids made it for almost 10 years. And if these two star-crossed lovers can't make it, what chance do any of us have?



Luckily, this reporter has a deep cover, double top secret insider mole in the Los Angeles County Superior Court. As far as you know. While California is a No Fault Divorce state ("no fault" is a legal term meaning it's the other one's fault), Lucky Liz's Petition for Divorce sheds quite a bit of light on the couple's relationship.

And you don't have to pour all over the legalese, because here are the Top Ten Reasons Barry Bonds is Getting Divorced.

10) Backne

9) Bobby Bonilla won't get off the couch

8) Bobby's irrational anger when fat burner supplement failed to lose head fat

7) 'Roid rage whenever Barry misses "his stories"

6) Barry refuses to enter any room in the house before public address announcer introduces him

5) Since alleged steroid use, Barry isn't exactly swinging a big bat (if you know what I mean)

4) Will Rogers never met Barry Bonds

3) Pine tar all over the bathroom

2) There is no I in team, but there is in dick.

1) Since retirement, he's around all the time

The good news? He's going to be single again ladies. And probably needing conjugal visits when that alleged perjury case finally goes to trial.

Happy

I don't want to say this weekend sucked. So I won't say that. I'll just look at the glass as only half full. Of something I didn't order.

I had famdamily in town: Big Bother and his wife aka Drama Queen. I don't want to say his wife is high maintenance, but when we went to San Antonio, she fell into the Riverwalk and spent the next two days using a cane that we bought at the mall downtown. Always some drama with that mama. So we were stuck with two planned family meals. One at my parents and one at our Shaque D'Amour.

And unfortunately, we also had the Canine Good Citizen test for the Hounds from Hell. This class ran for two months and is the prep class before you can get your pooch into being a Therapy Dog. I figuring this is a good way for the G-man to chew on some old people other than my parents.

By this point, we've got the Saturday routine thing down pretty well. Some quick public mastication of pork products and then off to the dog park to run the hounds until they drop. We've found that the dogs respond to training better if they're a little fatigues. Ideally, I like Tiki to be completely unconscious. That's when he's best behaved. Well because it poured all weekend and in my old age I've grown fussy about standing in the rain and throwing a ball for someone who doesn't want to bring it back and only wants to be chased, the wee ones didn't get their accustomed 90 mins of running in. Couple that with all the top weight loss pills he got into and he had an excess of energy.

There were a total of 5 dogs taking the test. And Tiki had to go last. Now, sitting quietly isn't exactly his strong point on his best days. Chewing on his brother, chasing anything that moves and looking adorable (while being secretly evil inside) are more of his strong points. So getting to watch other dogs run around while being told to sit quietly didn't go over well with the Tiki Monster.

And I don't want to say that Tiki failed his test so much as he gave it the Puppy Paw finger. Not only wouldn't he let the test handler come near him, but he pissed in the exam room. Twice. Nicely done. This is something he hasn't done at home for at least 6 months. So it's fair to say he really not that into the test. Oh, well. We'll try again in a while.

But at least something gave me heart this weekend.

It's always great to know that one of the most beautiful women in the world absolutely sucks at something. None of us is perfect. We all have different strengths. Whether it's obedience or looking adorable or singing. This kind of thing reminds me of a scene in The Rachel Papers where Ione Skye is doing her make up while singing completely tunelessly and throwing cotton balls on the floor while the garbage basket is literally right beside her. No matter how perfect someone looks, there's going to be something about them that would drive you up the wall.

So with that introduction, I give you Denise Richards at a Cubs game.



Who doesn't know all the words to Take Me Out to the Ballgame? Wow.

Bet she doesn't like to sit quietly either.

Read Me My Rights

Ah, what an auspicious day. Tax day and more. But the difference between death and taxes? Congress doesn't convene every year to try to make death worse.

Lest, I get off on a rant here, on to the real business.


Reason #583 to Lurve Utah:

Our Literary Readings


That's right today you can take in two of our esteemed authors.


First up, Dooce is at The King's English to read from her book, It Sucked and Then I Cried. It's at 7:00 tonight so you'd better hurry.


Second, and by no means secondary, Marie Osmond will be signing her new book Might As Well Laugh About it Now at Deseret Book on the 17th.


Can you guess which author I want to see most? Which I want to boo most?


That's right. Both. In Heather's case, it's just professional jealousy. In Marie's just envy of her dancing skillz.


Go read something good instead, kids.

Two Times a Lady?

This may be the future of movies.

No actors, no studios, no problem.




Now I've got to get to work on that remake of Footloose before Zac Efron comes to his senses.

Damn Yankees

If you hadn't heard, Alyssa Milano is writing a book about baseball.

I know! No one told me that Alyssa Milano could write.

Sorry, that was just way too easy.

Now you may be wondering what qualifies her to write a book about baseball. That's easy--her breasticles. I'm just kidding. I'm sure she's a very sweet, talented, amazing writer. With fantastic fun bags that defy gravity.

Just take a look at that cover. See how they are trumpeting her vast qualifications and prior prose endeavors. That's some Grade A Marketing.

And check out that grueling book tour schedule. Four separate stores! And as far away as Brooklyn. So you can see why she's a Dodgers fan. They only left Brooklyn before she was born. I'm sure you can pick up that bit of history and other minutiae in the book.

But "Safe at Home?" Lame.

Here are some suggestions for the fine folks at Harper Collins who seem to be so quick to send a rejection letter when an aspiring author sends them a treatment missive. Or so I've heard.

Rejected Names for Alyssa Milano's Baseball Book

• Who's the DH?
• Players I've Banged
• Embrace of the Umpire (both of you who've seen this sex fueled movie, you're welcome)
• During Orgies, Players Must Remain in Batting Order
• My Cousin Injected Me, But I'm Sorry Now
• Getting to Third Base With Alyssa Milano
• Bleacher Reacher Around
• Not a Spitter
• Is That a Cup or Are You Just Glad to See Me?
• Alone on the Mounds
• Bang the Girl Slowly
• The UnNatural
• Confessions of a Sorority Baseball Annie
• Who's On Me First?
• He's Scratching Because He Loves Me
• Poison Ivy at Wrigley Field
• Casey at the Bust
• Los Angeles Lolita (Alyssa's finest role)
• Bull Dunhim Already
• Touch 'Em Both
• Take Me Out and Ball Me
• Don't Stop Unless You're Short

If I've somehow managed to overlook any of the esteemed work of Ms. Milano, mea culpa. Now I've got to go get a cookie.

We Are Family

I think the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse must be saddling their steeds.

Because MC Hammer is getting his own reality series.

I won't bother to say, yes, that MC Hammer. Because like there'd be another MC Hammer.

And it's on A&E. A&E used to stand for Arts & Entertainment. That's been changed to Accidents & Egregious. And those accidents are train wrecks.

A&E is going with Hammertime for the name of the show. Boring!

Here are some suggestions for those clever folks at A&E.

• U Can't Watch This
• Parachute Pants Were Never InStyle
• The Hammer Family Groove
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Hammers
• Too Legit to Work
• Turn This Mutha Off
• Please Hammer, Don't Sing Again
• (Hocked All My) Platinum
• Pray (You Can Find the Remote)
• Vanilla Ice Said "Hell No"
• Let's Get This Over With

Feel free to play along at home kids. I hope you appreciate how much intertube research I had to do to find more than the two Hammer songs I couldn't get the hell out of my head.

So take this.

Boom Goes the Dynamite

If you were watching last night's Gay Super Bowl, you might have noticed a Will Smith delivered line went waaaaay over the collective heads of the too-cool-for-the-room audience.

See Will was stuck delivering some technical awards. These are also known as the awards you shouldn't have to sit through: Special Effects, Editing, Director Fluffing, Sound Editing or something like that. Because Will was delivering so many awards back to back, he inevitably messed something up.

While stumbling over his lines and his inability to get out the word "outstanding", Will said, "Boom goes the dynamite."

Well kids, because you're my super secret special intertubes friends, here it is. You're probably only a sports geek if you got this one. Guilty as charged.

This guy makes Albert Brooks' network debut in Broadcast News look good.

Enjoy.

Rock Me Amadeus

If you hadn't heard about it already, Kid Rock is getting his own microbrew.

Yup, the Michigan Brewing Company is working on a craft beverage that captures the essence of Kid. Reportedly, it will be called "American Bad Ass."

Wow, is that craptacular.

They should have brought in some high powered PR Flack types to work on the name. Then they could have come up with something good.

Something like:

• Kid Rock Doublebock
• Malt & Barley Jesus
• White Trash Hefeweisen
• Miller Lowlife
• Pambo-Ex Porter
• Skeeveylicious
• Loserbrau
• Barely Avoid Jail Ale
• St. Paulie Punk
• Tommy Lee Can Suck It
• Soundslike Shitz
• Corona Cocky
• Assaultaholic
• Poncho Problem Porter

Feel free to play along at home,kids.

Whatever they name it, you'll be sure to be drinking it all summer long. Because I'm sure everyone wants to be just like Kid with the many wise choices he's made in his life.

At least he hangs out in Northern Michigan. All the cool kids are doing it.

Kid Rock All Summer Long Music Video
Uploaded by ericsmith92

Cry Me a River

If you didn't get to catch it, here it is. Thanks to the power of TIVO, I got to see this the next day. Bless you Season Pass.

And if you ever think Jay or Conan or anyone can carry Dave's jock, look and learn.




For the record, I think this is a scam.

But I'm not willing to bet on whether The Wreslter 2 or rehab is next for Joaquin.

I'm Sorry

I'd like to apologize to all my fans. Both of you.

I've let you down. I've also let my team, my manager, my entourage the sport and the vendors down. I've also let my guard, defenses, firewall and pants down. Especially the pants.

I was young and naive. I felt the pressure to keep blogging every day. I had to meet the expectations of such a big contract. Especially since I didn't have one.

Yes, I've used performance enhancing drugs.

Typically, I would take a pharmacopoeia of pharmaceuticals and evenly distribute them on the floor. Rolling around on Vioxx, Levitra, Clearasil, Massengil, Leptovox, Echinacea, Fish Oil, Vitamin C, Cialis, Everclear, Valvoline VR1 Racing Oil, HGH, Progesterone, Testosterone and Pespi One never failed to inspire me. It was too tough to come up with all those boobie jokes on my own. And I lacked the confidence to think I could do it on my own.

But even though I used to cheat during the years of 2001 until 2003, I'd like to come clean and let everyone know that it's over. It's been just me since then. Sure I was lying to you before, but I'm telling you the truth now. You can trust me even though I've been named in the Mitchell Report, the McLaughlin Report, the Weather Report, the Book Report, and the Warren Commission Report.

But all the awards, the MVP's, the Pulitzer Prizes, sex with washed up pop stars and the endless whining for a big book, syndication, Google Ad, movie deal or some other way to cash in and sell out big time were all me. With a little help from my friends: Dave, Craig, Bob & Tom, The Muse, The Wife, the Hell Hounds, and especially Foster.

I'd just like to reiterate: I'm very, very sorry. That I got caught.

Now I'll be posing for some suitably contrite photos for the next five minutes. After that, I release the hounds.

Stars Are Blind

I'm not sure why some people are famous.

It seems like people confuse fame with importance. A comedian once said famous people do commercials. Important people won't. (I think that was Scott Dunn but can't remember).

We used to have Zsa Zsa Gabor and George Hamilton. Zsa Zsa wasn't even in Green Acres. That was Eva. And other than Zorro the Gay Blade, I'm not sure what Georgie Boy did other than bring the tan to Hollywood.

Now we have Paris Hilton. And her wonderful music. Warning, the prior link may cause severe auditory damage.

But I think Paris may be back on the diet pills. Because she's also started a foray into scrapbooking. I'm not making this up.

The former Simple Life "star" has a line of scrapbooking, jewelry and fashion kits that were on display at a recent Craft and Hobby Association Trade Show. Wooky Entertainment from Canada has the full press release available at their site. Line of the release?

Paris' Creativity Collection was "conceived for sophisticated and savvy young ladies in search of trend and prestige." Wow, that's the epitome of the straight face test.

According to the article I read while attempting to keep from spewing my bacon all over the table in laughter, currently the kits are only available in Canada and part of Europe. Oh, you lucky Canadians!

Now far be it from me to tell a prestigious Canadian scrapbooking company whom they should base their new product line. But Paris brings a very unique perspective to any scrapbook about her life.

You'll want to be sure to include all of the following in your Paris Hilton scrapbook:

• First Reality TV Show
• First Failed Reality TV Show
• First Sex Tape
• First Sex Tape where you look bored
• First Mugshot
• First Media gaffe revealing your ignorance (Gordon Ramsay isn't the Prime Minister? Well, he should be.)
• First Vodka bottle
• Pictures of first party you're paid to attend
• First Love (just pictures of Paris)
• First accessory pet

I'm sure there are plenty of other things that go into a scrapbook. Luckily, I have no idea what those are. Chime in peeps.

Puff the Magic Dragon

By now, unless you're still in your post-Super Bowl funk, you've probably seen the picture of Michael Phelps hitting what the mainstream media is terming "a pipe associated with marijuana." Geez, people. It's a bong. You can say it. It's not like we're talking about sex in a grown up fashion or anything. Those words are still a no no.

As an aside, I'm too lazy to find that picture, steal leverage it, and post it here. Deal with it, pinkbellies. You'll have to make due with a link if you need to gaze upon it again.

I don't really get the furor over this. Wow, a 23 year old smoked dope at a South Carolina University party. How long has this been going on? The hallowed academic institution which gave us Hootie and the Blowfish and the Gamecocks has some hijinx going on there. Stop the presses.

The real story is whomever took the picture and ratted him out. I love the quote: If he continues to party like that, I'd be amazed if he won any more medals again." Yeah, maybe he can rest his head on the 14 he already has. Oh, and the big pile of money he's warned from his endorsements. It's not like Mikey isn't famous enough to just call up and ask for New York Yankees tickets and not score them. Or anything else he wants. Even if that is apparently just a Carolina co-ed.

Personally, I hope this gets some people off the fence about marijuana. I don't indulge, but I've known others who do. Like the Disney animators who did Fantasia. And if you can be an amazing athlete and hit the BC bud every now and then, who am I to tell you what to do. Maybe this will be the impetus to legalize it, tax it and get us out of the economic doldrums. At the very least it would spur sales of Twinkies.

Anyway, here's your list.

Top 10 captions for the Michael Phelps Bong Picture:

10) And you thought he only breathed water.
9) If I had to spend 8 hours in a pool all day, I'd be getting high too.
8) Is that a bong in your Speedo or are you just happy to see me?
7) Someone better warn the Olympic Snowboarding athletes.
6) I'm going to be on the box of Weed-Eze.
5) This explains the Guitar Hero commercial.
4) That apology his publicist wrote seemed very sincere.
3) I'm very, very sorry....I got caught.
2) Now we know how he was able to eat all that food during his training.
1) Dude, where's my medal?

Seriously, who's worked up about this?

Now I've got to get working on my Official Michael Phelps Breathe Right Training Bong. Look for it wherever hastily constructed products are sold.

Backfield in Motion

You'll probably want to go ahead and set up your Swivel Search for this now. If you hadn't heard, Keyshawn Johnson is getting his own tv show.

Who, you may be asking, the hell is Keyshawn Johnson?

He's a current talking head on ESPN after having been a wide receiver in the NFL for 11 years. He played for the Jets, Cowboys, Buccaneers and Panthers if you care for some reason. He was kind of famous for a while for yelling at another player on the sideline of a game. I think he may also have invented the Plantar Fasciitis injury. He eventually pissed off his coach so much (Jon Gruden aka Chuckie) that Gruden made him inactive for the last 8 games of the season to teach him a lesson. Obviously one that didn't take.

Anyway the show is called Keyshawn Johnson: Tackling Design. Yup, Keyshawn is going to get a tv show about interior design. It'll be on A&E with that lot of home improvement shows. I don't watch as I don't crave depression.

You may be asking, why what are Keyshawn's qualifications as an interior designer? Well he did attend USC and got a degree in history in 1996 (if you believe TV Guide anyway). And he has stayed in "some of the best hotels in the world" and read some architecture books. So that probably makes him as qualified to do interior design as it does to announce for ESPN.

Anyhoo, before we adopted the tactic of excessive punctuation for tv show titles (you know, like Denise Richards: It's Complicated or Nip/Tuck), here was the short list of show titles for Keyshawn:

• Tschotckeyshawns
• Inferior Lineman
• Tackling Chapter 7
• Trojan House Design
• Footballers to the Wall
• A Buccaneer in my Buckin' Home
• Referee Shui
• Decorate Man Line
• Football Fantasy Retreat
• Design With Your Inner Johnson

I'm sure Keyshawn will bring many bold ideas to home design. Things like excessive use of decorative pom poms, urinals, that locker room smell and Personal Seat Licenses for your couch. Oops, I think Danny Snyder just stole that idea to make me watch Redskins games at home.

If you have any other ideas for Keyshawn's new show, pass them along to him directly. I'm sure they'll appreciate all the feedback.

A Little Help From My Friends

One of the Beatles has announced he doesn't want to get any more mail. No, not the cute one who was married to the one-legged harpy. No, not the dead one. No, not the one who missed out. Yes, it's the one who can't sing.

Now I don't how much mail Ringo gets. But it seems a bit shitty to actually tell people not to send it. I mean, you've got to be a little full of yourself when you tell people, "Please, the adoration is nice, but I'm too busy." This is kind of like handing out tissue at the funeral. It's a nice thought, but you're a little full of yourself if you think there will be that much gnashing of teeth and wailing.

Seriously, that's his excuse. "I'm warning you with peace and love I have too much to do. So no more fan mail." Wow, watching Caveman on cable, listening to An Octopus's Garden must really take up a lot of your day. Just throw it away. You don't actually have to tell me on your website you don't give a shit about me.

I do love using the whole Peace and Love thing to be an asshat. That's immediately going into the rotation.

"Peace and love, but I'm not coming to your time-wasting meeting because you're all a bunch of morons."

"That ref is a freaking blind asshat. Peace and love."

"I'd rather sit at home with a pack of wild dogs, peace and love, than go out with you."

"Your economic ideas are the drunken ramblings of a fascist with a venereal disease. Peace and love, Senator."

Thanks for playing along at home kids. Peace and love.

How I Can Live Without You?

It's being widely reported that actress Nicollette Sheridan and shiatty singer Michael Bolton are no longer engaged. This after they were dating, split up, then got back together a few years ago. So take this with a grain of salt. Or maybe the whole shaker.

Wow, if these two crazy kids can't make it work, what chance do any of us have? Probably a pretty good one in my book.

Anyhoo, reps for the now defunct duo issued a statement tell this reporter that they have ended their engagement and "appreciate your respect for their privacy in this matter."

Despite this very sincere request, we did what we do best and put our Top Men on it. When they struck out, we just made stuff up. You know, per uzh.

Top Ten Reasons Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton Are No Longer Engaged

10) She finally heard Percy Sledge's version of "When a Man Loves a Woman"

9) Her told her "The Sure Thing" was her best work

8) He always insists on watching Sunday Night Football instead of a certain other show

7) Her long monologues about the talent of Kenny G

6) Some loudmouth told her a round of golf should only take 4 hours

5) He always proclaims Dallas as the best prime time soap ever.

4) She keeps playing the Isley Brothers' "Twist & Shout" then asking sarcastically whether he's some up with any new song ideas

3) He thinks that Eva Longoria is real hot

2) At a recent celeb golf tourney, he was asked about his handicap and she mumbled under her breath "no talent ass clown."

1) Endless arguments over the conditioner

Have a good Labor Day weekend, kids. And don't do any work in support of our fine Union Brethren. Now get the hell over that bridge, Jenny.

Amazing Grace

Ya'll knows that I lurves me some bad Public Relations. And while it's a really moldy oldy, this might properly be classified as Pubic Relations.

See, Matthew McConaughey has a Mom. I know, I know. Hang on. It gets worse. And Kay McConaughey, that's Matthew McConaughey's Mom, has written a book. And by "written" we mean put her name on.

It's called I Amaze Myself. Which given the gene pool that generates naked, be-weeded bongo playing in the middle of the night, it probably isn't that difficult to amaze one's self.

The Pubic Relations gaffe here comes obviously when Kay was promoting the book. Here's the actual quote. I'm not even going to mess with it.

“On Monday mornings, he [Jim McConaughey and Matthew's Pop] and I often said goodbye by making love,” Kay McConaughey tells Us Weekly. “But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing," she says. "But it was just the best way to go!”

Then when Jim was being removed from the house, Kay made sure paramedics did it while Jim was nude so she could show off his "gift."

Yes, I'm sure Matthew is quite proud that his Mom killed his Dad while they were having sex. Even more so that his Mom wants to show the world the size of his paterus endowmentus. I think this is starting to answer a lot of questions for me about both Matthew and Rooster.

But, in her defense, it did generate a lot of media interest. I just forgot that Moms got to be famous now because of their progeny. This despite the lessons of Jaqueline Stallone (and Rumpology), Dina Lohan and Momma Kardashian aka Kris Jenner.

After making you suffer through snot jedi-ing, I feel a little guilty. Not guilty enough not to have shared that snot adventure of course. But you're due for a treat.

So here's something for the ladies. Please do not drool directly on your keyboard.

Smoke on the Water

Sure Brett Favre may be able to heal small children just by letting him touch the seam of his game worn jersey, but let's see him try this.