Monday, May 04, 2009


I don't want to say this weekend sucked. So I won't say that. I'll just look at the glass as only half full. Of something I didn't order.

I had famdamily in town: Big Bother and his wife aka Drama Queen. I don't want to say his wife is high maintenance, but when we went to San Antonio, she fell into the Riverwalk and spent the next two days using a cane that we bought at the mall downtown. Always some drama with that mama. So we were stuck with two planned family meals. One at my parents and one at our Shaque D'Amour.

And unfortunately, we also had the Canine Good Citizen test for the Hounds from Hell. This class ran for two months and is the prep class before you can get your pooch into being a Therapy Dog. I figuring this is a good way for the G-man to chew on some old people other than my parents.

By this point, we've got the Saturday routine thing down pretty well. Some quick public mastication of pork products and then off to the dog park to run the hounds until they drop. We've found that the dogs respond to training better if they're a little fatigues. Ideally, I like Tiki to be completely unconscious. That's when he's best behaved. Well because it poured all weekend and in my old age I've grown fussy about standing in the rain and throwing a ball for someone who doesn't want to bring it back and only wants to be chased, the wee ones didn't get their accustomed 90 mins of running in. Couple that with all the top weight loss pills he got into and he had an excess of energy.

There were a total of 5 dogs taking the test. And Tiki had to go last. Now, sitting quietly isn't exactly his strong point on his best days. Chewing on his brother, chasing anything that moves and looking adorable (while being secretly evil inside) are more of his strong points. So getting to watch other dogs run around while being told to sit quietly didn't go over well with the Tiki Monster.

And I don't want to say that Tiki failed his test so much as he gave it the Puppy Paw finger. Not only wouldn't he let the test handler come near him, but he pissed in the exam room. Twice. Nicely done. This is something he hasn't done at home for at least 6 months. So it's fair to say he really not that into the test. Oh, well. We'll try again in a while.

But at least something gave me heart this weekend.

It's always great to know that one of the most beautiful women in the world absolutely sucks at something. None of us is perfect. We all have different strengths. Whether it's obedience or looking adorable or singing. This kind of thing reminds me of a scene in The Rachel Papers where Ione Skye is doing her make up while singing completely tunelessly and throwing cotton balls on the floor while the garbage basket is literally right beside her. No matter how perfect someone looks, there's going to be something about them that would drive you up the wall.

So with that introduction, I give you Denise Richards at a Cubs game.

Who doesn't know all the words to Take Me Out to the Ballgame? Wow.

Bet she doesn't like to sit quietly either.


foundinidaho said...

HA! Tiki sounds like my younger son, who decided part way through day 2 of the gifted/talented school testing in Utah that he "didn't care if he went to that school". And basically disrupted the whole thing for everyone else so they'd kick him out. He's cute too.

And, unlike most people, I think there's something about Denise Richards that's appealing. She obviously is not afraid of making a fool of herself!

Roxrocks said...

Even I know the words and I'm Canadian!

Poor Tiki! If only he'd use his brilliance for good instead of evil! LOL!

LMc1381 said...

I'm sorry your weekend was half full of the wrong beverage. I'm more sorry that you put me through that horrible rendition of a classic American tradition song.

Anonymous said...

Was Denise drunk? Sheesh. I have to say, though, that (unless you were being sarcastic and I just didn't catch it) Denise surely has more than one flaw. Say, for example, marrying Charlie Sheen. Oh, and being a really bad actress. And a bad dancer on DWTS.

I'm a little harsh.