Thursday, June 18, 2009

Bat Out of Hell

I know this will be hard for you kids to believe. Barry Bonds and his second wife, Liz Watson, are getting a divorce. For those keeping score, she filed. I know! These two crazy kids made it for almost 10 years. And if these two star-crossed lovers can't make it, what chance do any of us have?

Luckily, this reporter has a deep cover, double top secret insider mole in the Los Angeles County Superior Court. As far as you know. While California is a No Fault Divorce state ("no fault" is a legal term meaning it's the other one's fault), Lucky Liz's Petition for Divorce sheds quite a bit of light on the couple's relationship.

And you don't have to pour all over the legalese, because here are the Top Ten Reasons Barry Bonds is Getting Divorced.

10) Backne

9) Bobby Bonilla won't get off the couch

8) Bobby's irrational anger when fat burner supplement failed to lose head fat

7) 'Roid rage whenever Barry misses "his stories"

6) Barry refuses to enter any room in the house before public address announcer introduces him

5) Since alleged steroid use, Barry isn't exactly swinging a big bat (if you know what I mean)

4) Will Rogers never met Barry Bonds

3) Pine tar all over the bathroom

2) There is no I in team, but there is in dick.

1) Since retirement, he's around all the time

The good news? He's going to be single again ladies. And probably needing conjugal visits when that alleged perjury case finally goes to trial.


Rox said...

You should work for Letterman! And not just because you don't really seem to "work" for whoever it is you "work" for. But because you are funnay! :o)

foundinidaho said...


I am a big SF Giants fan. But I always hated Bonds. Most of us did. We just couldn't figure out how to get rid of him.