Friday, August 29, 2008

How I Can Live Without You?

It's being widely reported that actress Nicollette Sheridan and shiatty singer Michael Bolton are no longer engaged. This after they were dating, split up, then got back together a few years ago. So take this with a grain of salt. Or maybe the whole shaker.

Wow, if these two crazy kids can't make it work, what chance do any of us have? Probably a pretty good one in my book.

Anyhoo, reps for the now defunct duo issued a statement tell this reporter that they have ended their engagement and "appreciate your respect for their privacy in this matter."

Despite this very sincere request, we did what we do best and put our Top Men on it. When they struck out, we just made stuff up. You know, per uzh.

Top Ten Reasons Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton Are No Longer Engaged

10) She finally heard Percy Sledge's version of "When a Man Loves a Woman"

9) Her told her "The Sure Thing" was her best work

8) He always insists on watching Sunday Night Football instead of a certain other show

7) Her long monologues about the talent of Kenny G

6) Some loudmouth told her a round of golf should only take 4 hours

5) He always proclaims Dallas as the best prime time soap ever.

4) She keeps playing the Isley Brothers' "Twist & Shout" then asking sarcastically whether he's some up with any new song ideas

3) He thinks that Eva Longoria is real hot

2) At a recent celeb golf tourney, he was asked about his handicap and she mumbled under her breath "no talent ass clown."

1) Endless arguments over the conditioner

Have a good Labor Day weekend, kids. And don't do any work in support of our fine Union Brethren. Now get the hell over that bridge, Jenny.


Swistle said...

#10 and #1 are my favorites.

Skyzi said...

I heard he never got over the fact that she forced him to cut his hair.

Roxrocks said...

She looks like Madam. You know, the marionette? The one with the turban and the gay guy? She totally looks like that. Totally.

Well, and he looks like Michael Bolton. Thank GOD they never had kids!

kitkat said...

No talent ass clown. Way to conjure up some Office Space.

Her best work was Noises Off. Classic.

lostinutah said...

I really can't stand either of them, so I guess I thought of them together as perfect.

She should have stuck with Leif Garrett. Remember that?