It's almost here, kids. The favorite, completely manufactured holiday that you love to hate: Cupid Is Stupid Day.You may know it as Valentine's Day. You're less educated friends may know it as Valentimes Day. I wish I were making that up.
Yes, it's once again your chance to fail at meeting your sweetie's expectations.
This primarily is for the men out there. Both of you. Because the pressure is on us. Women just have to show up with beer and get nakey on the 14th. We have to meet those increased expectations and have grand plans that involve romance.
I remember one Valentimes where the girl I had asked the girl I was dating what she wanted. She said, "I just want you to be extra sweet to me all day long."
"Flowers it is," was my reply.
I've since learned not to be so lippy around teh womenfolk.
It's best to just go with the most expensive jewelry you can afford, pretend you're listening while she's talking about feelings, and go to the drive through and do it bunches.
Gentlemen, there are several gifts you probably should avoid:
- Fur bra liners (even if you live somewhere really cold)
- Any household appliance
- BitterSweets
- Tattoo gift certificate (good for your name only)
- Ceiling fans
- Flowers from the gas station
- A misspelled cake
- Batteries
- ShamWow
- A Snuggie with a strategically cut hole
- Dinner out at any restaurant involving a coupon
- Tiddy Bear
- Health club membership
I'm sure there are others.
What's the worst VD gift you ever got? Or gave?
7 comments:
A properly misspelled cake might work wonders though!
I don't know, dude. The snuggie is pretty popular... It was even on the Today Show... and if Al and Ann are all over it, it won't be long before it's the #1 Valentine's gift in America...
I haven't had any really awesome Valentine's gifts... Although I did get dumped once in high school the night before Single Awareness Day... Yeah don't worry, he still brought me a cookie.... since he already had it and everything... Ouch....
VD gift you ever gave?
Thankfully, I've never given VD as a gift. Or received it.
However, I have to say I used to agree with you about Valentine's Day - it's a waste, really, but the longer I've been married, the more the idea of someone guilting TH into thinking about being romantic is nice. I'm not guilting him into it, mind you, but someone should, apparently. Because otherwise it isn't going to happen.
And, yes, I am romantic. So there.
Hell, I'd take dinner at a restaurant with a coupon.
I would love the fur bra liners! Especially since they're made out of beaver. Nothing like a little beaver and breasts.
I would also love a health club membership.
You just gave me two things to ask for this VD!
I don't think I've gotten anything bad. My husband still thinks I want roses on VD, even though I've told him not to. I'd prefer that we just hang out on VD and do something nice together. My tastes are simple. As long as I don't get VD on VD, I'll be happy.
I must not be a normal woman because I hate flowers and love appliances! Give me a food chopper or a swiffer vac and I'm stoked!
And naked? Hell, on VD you just have to slip one pantleg off...
I am so proud of Kit Kat for making a beaver joke.
Dammit! Someone beat me to the VD joke. You deserve the clap for that one. Wha?!?
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