Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Yo Ho Ho

Hey, kids, it's a TwoFer Tuesday. Wait, it's already Wednesday. Dang that Monday off thing gets me every time. Then it's a Wacky Wednesday for Pirate News. All pirate news all the time. It's like being on a treadmill of pirate funny that just won't stop.

Dateline Noo Yawk, a man carrying a sword in a Macy's was arrested. And in the typical shoddy UP reporting style, they left out the most important part -- he was dressed like a pirate. On his way to a kickball game. With his girlfriend. Yes, I'm shocked he had a girlfriend. She must be a pretty tolerant sort to go out in public with him dressed like a pirate. And as she was with him on his way to a kickball game, that means she is going to watch him (and his buddies) play kickball. Clearly, this woman has no hobbies. There's supportive, then there's watching kickball. Oh, and she's 8 months pregnant with his child. That's true love when you're carrying your baby down to the kickball diamond to watch your pirate outfit wearing baby daddy.

The man claimed the kickball team wore pirate outfits when they played. This means other people dress up like pirates, go out in public and play kickball. I think we may have underestimated the amount of marijuana use in this country. Yeah, you'll be shocked to find that the man, Lawrence Jackson, had some pot on him.

The NY Post seems to be the only major media outlet that took this pirate attack on Macy's seriously. Tip of the cap for the headline Buccaneer Bust along with pictures of Lawrence and his sword. Good work, Posties!

In other Pirate News, set sail for Buffalo as Pirate Fest 2008 is coming to Evangola State Park on July 26th & 27th. Make your travel plans early as the Pirate Costume Contest and Treasure Hunt will pack them in early. Not a lot of people know that Pirates were rampant in Buffalo. They used to attack all the shipping on Lake Erie and send captives over Niagra Falls if the ransom was insufficient to slake their piratey greed.

In fact the most famous of all the Lake Erie Pirates was LeClair LePointe. He pillaged, raped, looted, raped, murdered and raped (he really liked raping) his way up and down the coast of Northern Ohio and Western New York. LePointe was very smart and used a special type of cedar wood to build his ships. This made them faster than any other ships on Lake Erie and gave him a huge tactical advantage over the government navies which pursued him.

Eventually the U.S. government was so upset at their inability to capture LePointe that they actually gave up. To placate LePointe they gave him his own sovereign state as long as he would only attack English shipping during the War of 1812. This pirate stronghold eventually was turned into a park. Which is why we now have Cedar LePointe.

Man that was a long way to go. I hope the two of you who got that joke enjoyed it.

4 comments:

Reigning Frog said...

I loved it!

kitkat said...

Was the Macy's guy Steve the Pirate from the movie Dodgeball? It's not exactly kickball, but it sounds pretty familiar.

Dani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dani said...

Why are pirates so damn funny? Oh I remember... because they ARRRRRRHH!

Ha. Ha ha.