A Horse With No Name

In Hawaii, you can't take a horse into a hospital no matter how much it might cheer up the patients. So says The Man who made sure Lani Yukimura was escorted out of the hospital with his equine acquaintance.

The best thing is, Lani and his stallion made it up to the third floor on the elevator before he was "greeted" by security.

Why does a horse take the elevator? Because he can't use the stairs. And you just know that Wildfire was playing on the elevator muzak during the ride.

How cool would it have been for the elevator doors to open and the horse to take off like he's busting out of the gates at the Kentucky Derby? Do you think when Lani & Mr. Ed were walking him through the hospital anyone yelled, "And down the stretch they come." If he didn't bring Mint Juleps and a big hat, Lani really missed out.

Despite Lani's out of the box attempt to cheer up his relative as it was the wrong horse. Well you can't look a visiting horse in the mouth. Unless you're an ear, nose or throat specialist.

Surprisingly, the most important fact of the story is completely absent. What's the horse's name? So with a great deal of investigative journalism, this reporter (man, I love doing that) tracked down witness to the hospital visitation and made up the following:

• Transplant
• The Cafeteria Special
• Man 'o Waardenburg Syndrome
• Mr. Oedipal (Wilcox Memorial must have a psych ward)
• A Horse With No Pain
• Sea Section
• Seattle Slain
• Barbariatric
• Smarty Bones
• Mane-onucleosis
• Hoof and Morphine
• Tachypnea Tail
• Horse's Asperger Syndrome
• Reagent Riding
• Saddle Somnoplasty
• Ole Bursitis Bridle
• Bit Defect
• Horse Floppy Flu
• Sciatica Schlage

Feel free to play along at home, kids.