Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Beat of Just One Drum

Ladies, start your engines. Hollywood's most eligible bachelor is back on the market. Of course, I'm talking 'bout Gary Coleman. Yes, Gary and his wife of 8 months are getting divorced. On the May 1-2 episodes of Divorce Court. Ah, a divorce on a syndicated divorce show. Classy?

Hey, who had 8 months in the pool by the way?

On the bright side, Gary's wedding bliss lasted four times longer than Pam Anderson's last go 'round.

While you may be content to wait for it to finally be May 1 (and it'll seem like days) and let your TIVO capture all the pageant and majesty that is Divorce Court, this reporter couldn't wait. So in true semi-journalist fashion, I made up did some digging.

Here's the inside skinny why the couple is going their separate ways.

10) Whenever she asks him to take out the garbage, he just replies, "What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Shannon?"

9) The rumor about black men turned out to be false.

8) He insists on sitting in her lap when they make out.

7) She loves to slow dance.

6) He enjoys some "different strokes" if you know what I mean.

5) She refuses to call him Mandingo in the boudoir.

4) Todd Bridges won't get the hell off their couch.

3) She once yelled out, "Take me, Webster!" whilst they were making love

2) He talks relentlessly about knowing Janet Jackson.

1) She voted for the wrong Arnold in the election.

Also, I have it on good authority that whenever he needs some change for coffee and asks her, she always says, "I'm a little short" and then cackles like a banshee.

Yeah, that's got to get old.


Dunebuggy said...

Don't they live in Utah? You could be neighbors.

I saw a sneak peek of the Divorce Court episode. Gary claims they are like kittens and just can't stand to be apart from each other. Cat fight anyone?

Anonymous said...

Poor Gary Coleman, such a waste of talent.

It's 8:30 AM and clearly, I am drunk.