Monday, April 07, 2008

Desperately Seeking Approval

Madonna is stealing building upon one of Oprah's ideas. No, not forking out enough cash to make a small country choke on it in an effort not to appear evil. Wait, maybe that's exactly what she's doing as Madonna has announced plans to build an all girls' school in Malawi.

I'm sure there's no correlation for Madonna's upcoming Malawi hearing about her purchase adoption of a young Malawi boy. Where the boy's Father was a little unclear that he'd not be seeing his son again.

I just can't wait for Madonna's school to open. I'm sure they'll have some of those swell marketing pens to hand out to all the prospective young ladies at the Scholastic Fair during recruiting season. Because Madonna was pretty short on details about her school, I had to make up do a lot of investigating on this topic.

There is currently no announced name for the school. This reporter has it from a highly-placed insider that the school is to be named the Ciccone School for Wayward Sluts. And the mascot will be the Battlin' Biatches. Even though there will be a secular curriculum, students and faculty will be required to wear Catholic Schoolgirl Uniforms.

And it will be a very specialized educational experience for the young Malawian girls chosen to attend the Ciccone School for Wayward Sluts. Here is just a smattering of the rigorous coursework on tap for the students.


-Counting Your Millions
-Divorce Settlements


-Whores Through the Ages
-Evita: A Misunderstood Catholic Girl From Michigan
- The Importance of Paparazzi

- The Reproductive System & How to Profit From It
- Your Stretchable Larynx & How to Profit From It
- Bi-sexuality & How to Profit From It


-Affecting a British Accent

Social Studies:

-Shocking the Squares for Fun & Profit
-Religious Controversy = $$$$$
-Adoption & the Complicated Malawi Legal System


-My Naked Mommy Parts
-For the Kids
(important note: do not mix up course materials!)


- Bad Music Through the Ages
- Dancing while Lipsynching
- Bad Acting Through the Ages
- Marrying a Director to Get Acting Work

And I can't wait to see the graduation ceremony. It'll be the only convocation with backup dancers.

Feel free to play along at home, kids.