Friday, April 25, 2008

Nice Rice Baby

If you haven't started hoarding it yet, you'd better get your ass down to Sam's Club. Yes, it's already being reported that Sam's Club (the same globonational corporate holding company owned by Ace Wigs) has limited the sales of rice.

And you know it's a real problem, because the Guvment is already denying it.



EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!




Shoppers are being limited to a mere 4 twenty-pound bags of rice per visit. Of course this limitation doesn't apply to stores in Idaho and New Mexico. Those sonsabitches Idaohoans (Ida-hoes? Idahites?) get their rice and Famous Potatoes. Double starches! Oh, the humanity. Who knows why the New Mexi-cats can get all the rice they want?

Yes, this is what passes for news nowadays. I'm sure that Sam's Club didn't just tip off CNN about the Rice Rationing so they could get some free publicity.

Lest you think this doesn't impact you, be aware of the following very critical things that will be impacted by the Global Rice Crisis. (yes, if I had an echo effect, it'd be here)

There are probably even more, but I don't have time for these kind of shenanigans because I've got to send a hysterical letter to the USA Rice Federation because I can't possibly exist on only 80 pounds of rice.

9 comments:

kris said...

Word is this guy is behind it.

kitkat said...

Why do I find it so difficult to believe that Sam's Club shoppers eat that much rice? It sounds far too healthy for the same people who buy mayonnaise in bulk...

Maybe the shortage is caused by all the people playing "freerice" (freerice.com---I don't know how to do the cool hyperlinks like Kris up there).

t2ed said...

I wasted a bunch of time at some site called freemayo.com until I realized it was just going to some guy in Carolina who really liked sammiches.

Anonymous said...

Never mind the rice for a moment, do you guys get China Lily soya sauce in the States? It's like THE BEST soya sauce for rice and for awhile, they had stopped production and OMG my family went bananas! So, I've been hoarding it every time I find the big bottles because I never want that to happen again and now the RICE is in danger! Why does it have to be so complicated?
-Rox

Sleepless in Seattle said...

Last night I went to buy rice because I was out, not because I horde it. Both stores I went to including Costco, were out of everything but Minute Rice. Yuck!

I can't wait until this c-rice-is is over so I can find my normal rice in the 50 lb bag like I'm used to again.

Rice Pudding? Does anyone eat that anymore?

Gideon said...

Good links in this story, but the photos were a little grainy.

Wicked H said...

I think it may time time to buy more stock in Adkins. No carbs all the way!!!

kris said...

Apparently watching Detroit lose is more important than providing your public with a fresh post. I see how it is.

bluesky said...

Another great charity site is AIDtoCHILDREN.com. It donates money to children in need through World Vision.

Check it out at http://www.aidtochildren.com