Thursday, July 26, 2007

Branching Out

In addition to my new, swell online store, I'm going to branch out and offer some additional services to certain clients.

First, we'll slap some keen business collaboration software up on the store site as well. Luckily it's free for the first 30 days and will integrate with the backend system I don't have yet. Well, actually we have a sneakernet. It's like ethernet, but we just run around in our sneakers to fill all the orders.

Second, this software will allow us to work directly with our celebrity clients and offer special services tailored directly to their individual needs.

These needs seem to be chiefly:
  • sober drivers (Yes, even if it's late at night, you're coked up and chasing your soon to be former publicist)
  • child care services (including proper use of child seat restraints)
  • adoption services (any country or ethnicity)
  • media distractions
  • providing clean urine and/or blood samples
  • claiming the drugs were ours and not our celebrity client's
  • keeping a straight face during implausible explanations of outrageous behavior (like tripping over your dog)
  • unconditional verbal support including but not limited to "Great job, boss!" and "You're much more talented than she is"

There may be more needs but we draw the line at drug and ho procurement services. Others already have that market saturated.

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