My Store

In an effort to get out from under The Man, I've decided to open my own swell interweb store.

I figure all I need is some shopping cart software and some high end, ethereal, spurious merchandise to let the masses consume. Obviously this will be very exclusive merch that not just anyone can afford.

Here's a look at my initial inventory:

• Lindsay Lohan Defensive Driving Course
• Joe Pesci's Guide to Anger Management
• Paris Hilton's Favorite Bible Stories DVD (shot in night vision green)
• Tammy Faye Bakker Makeover (too soon? I don't have much tolerance for televangelists who use Jesus to steal. I'm sure I'll see her in Hell when I get there)
• Maddona's Elocution and Foreign Diction Lessons
• Michael Vick's Puppy Training Class
• Tim Donaghy's Wealth Management System (he's the NBA ref allegedly tied to organized crime and point shaving. Again, that's allegedly for my Italian American cousins.
• Donald Trump's Self-Esteem Improvement Course
• Tom Cruise Public Relations Seminar
• Don King "Volume Builder" Shampoo
• Phil Spector Conditioner
• Tom Sizemore Career Management Strategy
• International Space Station Oxygen

Now I just need a good name for the store. I was going to go with Amazon because that's my favorite river, but apparently someone already has that. Who knew?

Feel free to suggest store names or any additional items I should stock.