Friday, July 27, 2007

Reuinited and it Feels So Bad

I completely missed that the Spice Girls are getting back together. That's probably due to clean living, but I've must not have been clean enough. They're currently planning on doing 14 whole shows. Wow, I guess I forgot that there are only 14 cities on the entire globe.

I can't remember who's in the Spice Girls. I know there's Posh, Scary, Sporty, Old, Chlamydia, Oregano and I think Preggers. Those girls aren't really my scene, so I may be wrong on a few of those.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. No Spice Girls reunion tour.

Did anyone actually see the Spice Girls movie? I mean the theatrical release not just the sex tapes. Okay, I don't know if they really had sex tapes, but would you be surprised if they did?

Despite this being a washed up and milking it reunion tour, there are several ideas to help make it more successful.
  • Add Rob Van Winkle to the bill and make it the Nice Ice Spice Baby Tour.
  • Additional Spice girls named Marjoram, Chipotle and Saffron added to band (no, they won't be able to play any instruments either)
  • To appeal to older audience, add a grrl named Tapioca
  • To enhance Grrl Power, show will be solar powered and sponsored by Toyota Prius
  • Alan Cumming forced to donate entire salary from Spice Girls movie
  • Anyone with a stub from Spice World gets in free (yes, I realize that's a two-fer on the Spice Girls movie, but there really can't be enough jokes made about that film)
  • All male audience attendees (both of them) will be subjected to DNA testing to determine if they are Sporty's baby's Daddy
  • To appeal to Spanish-speaking audiences, the band will be billed as The Female Menudo
  • Groupies greatly enjoy receiving oral sex from Spice girls as it means 10 minutes they can't be singing

And finally, the difference between pornography and the Spice Girls? Pornography has better music.

4 comments:

kitkat said...

I did see Spice World in the theaters. What can I say? Even at 16/17, my friends and I saw it for the irony. We knew it was going to be terrible, and it didn't disappoint.

t2ed said...

kitkat, that took a lot of bravery to admit to attending the Spice Girls movie in an actual theater.

Now if you've seen Glitter and Crossroads, you've got a problem.

kitkat said...

Thankfully, while I still love irony, I knew better than to see those two. I have my standards, you know.

Chunks said...

I'll never forget what my oldest daughter said when they broke up, "So much for friendship never ending!*SOB*" (She was about 6)

Those were the days...the good old days.