Ground Control to Major Tom

According to a Nasatastic report that's not due to be released until tomorrow, the space administration allowed astronauts to fly two times despite their heavy use of alcohol within 12 hours of launch. The report won't be released until tomorrow but maybe they'll name names.

Who do these astronauts think they are--Northwest pilots?

Now I can understand the stress of sitting on a hunk of metal built by folks who submitted the lowest bid and based upon a design that has exploded before. I might want to sneak off for a bracer prior to strapping into the gigantic fuel tank that flies like a brick.

But I'd be worried about filling up my bag in flight because I have a bladder the size of a walnut. And if you think it was bad trying to get your dad to pull over at a Stuckey's on the family trip, that's got to be nothing on getting the Commander to let you leak out the back of the window on a shuttle.

What kind of drink do you think a shuttle crew member goes for?

• Flying Dutchman
• Blue Moon
• Iron Butterfly
• Shoot to the Moon
• Rocket Fuel
• Flaming Blow Job
• Space Odyssey
• Falling Star
• Purple Problem Solver (for when Houston calls)
• Florida
• Moonlight Drive
• Space Suds
• Blue Moon beer
• Soul Taker
• Lemon Lift
• Hairy Armpit (because you know hygiene has to suffer up on that international space station)

You've got to think you go into any bar on the Florida coast and drop the Shuttle member vibe and you're going to drink for free and probably score.

"Yeah, babe. I'll call you tomorrow. If I come back alive. I guess we've always got tonight though." You're in there with that tale of danger, Rocketman.

All of the above are actual drinks. You can check the interwebs if you don't believe me.