Thursday, April 09, 2009

All I Want is Everything

I love when you get ridiculous "scientific studies" from some agency that's completely in the pocket of whomever is paying for the study. Like commercials that make claims that 85% of all people sleep poorly because of their mattress. And then at the very end they sneak a quick scroll saying "This study brought to you by The Mattress Institute."

But I've been giving advice (mostly bad and mostly for women) for years now. And still haven't been sued. Knock wood. And I've been advocating giving the shiny stuff to your squeeze for years now.

So when I see that a site that sell jewelry has Tips For Guys, I'm a little skeptical. If you don't know what kind of necklace to get for your sweetie, what do you think a jewelry site is going to tell you. The bigger, the better, right?

Surprisingly, it's a real soft sell. And no, their love isn't tainted. You're welcome to the both of you that got that joke.

Realistically, you should just pick whatever jewelry you'll ultimately be handing out by color. Don't get hung up on the kind of stone. No, it isn't appropriate to use a Sharpie to make those inexpensive pearls into the black kind. Personally, that Stainless Steel Sharpie is just as handy as some earrings. What are you going to write the license plate down with when that car speeds away from the bank after robbing it? Not earrings, that's for sure.

And I like the advice on engagement rings. "Chill, dude. She's probably going to say yes." Umm, I'd like to introduce these guys to my cousin Judy. She did say yes. Until she got to the alter. Oops. The absolute closest I've ever come to being in a real life sitcom. Chill, dude, indeed.

Just remember, diamonds are forever. And so are the payments.

2 comments:

Roxrocks said...

You dropped a perfect opportunity to pay homage to ZZ Top. Kudos on the Tainted Love though! :)

LMc1381 said...

Thank Yewwwww for sharing this unsolicited advice in favor of the shiny stuff! And, I haven't had any of my friends yet that said "no"... one did complain about her ring and suggested they get a new one though.