Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk

I know Sweet Baby Jebus can save. But not shoot and score like the Detroit Red Wings.

And Sweet Baby Jebus can heal of course.

But I never knew he could do triage.

Now you may be wondering, "T2ed, aren't you worried about going to hell for making fun of Sweet Baby Jebus?"

First, no. I've had my front row seats in hell for a long time. And that's where all the rock and roll music is going to be. Where do you think all the rockers are going to be? Enjoy the harp music in heaven, losers.

Second, I'm not making fun of Sweet Baby Jebus. I'm making fun of the marketing sleezemonkey who is using religion to make a buck. Off knock off bandages that are probably chock full 'o Chinese lead. Because you know those bandages won't even cure your psychosomatic stigmata.

But if religious themed medical prods are going to be the next marketing weasel rage, may I humbly submit the following:
  • Buddha Band-Aids
  • Rasta Man Rubbers
  • Methodist of Magnesia
  • Cathaholics Anonymous
  • Latter Day Saints Latex Gloves
  • Jehovah's Witnesses Walker
  • Shintoist Shower Chair
  • Allah Air Purifier (smells just like Mecca!)
  • Pagan Pill Organizer
  • Taoist Thermometer
  • Sikh Stethoscope
  • Christ on a Crutch Crutches

Feel free to play along at home, kids.

Hope that was suitably offensive to everyone and no one got left out. If you've somehow managed not to be offended, there's always tomorrow.

And now I'm going to have Frank Z. stuck in my head all day.


Roxrocks said...

Having just watched Bill Maher's RELIGULOUS, this was PERFECT! I've also booked my seats for hell, front row, stage left.

Anonymous said...

See, you can save yourself the trouble of hell by just not believing in it. If you believe in hell, then you go there! Leave me out of it.

I like the Jehovah's Witness Walker: To help them get from door to door.

LMc1381 said...

I think Sweet Baby Jesus band aids just kicked my Scooby Doo band aids' ass.

reigningfrog said...

How about:

Muslim of Magnesia
Pepto Byzantine
PresbyterIron supplements
Gnostic Biloba
Omega Baptist Acids