Sunday, April 05, 2009

Anything by Pinetop Perkins

What the hell is going on out there?



In Belgrade, Serbia a woman had to have a two hour surgery to remove a pine cone. From her nether regions. And the article is completely silent about whether liquor was involved. I can't imagine it wasn't.

At least it was the front yard and not the back yard as one of my friends explained.

Just a couple of rules, kids.

Don't play around down there with power tools.

Don't play around down there with anything you find in the forest.

Even if it's a really nice lumberjack.

There are plenty of specifically designed products out there for you.

And the best The Sun could do was "a tree mendous time" and "seedy shame?" Talk about mailing it in. No wonder the newspaper industry is in so much trouble.

May I submit the following nonsense to help out The Sun when the inevitable copycat incidents occur:
  • Woman celebrates Arbor Day Early
  • Planting Your Tree in a New Place
  • Coney Hog
  • A Cone in the Hand is not worth two in the Bush
  • Is that a pine cone in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
  • Nasty Nature Nails Nymphette
  • Belgrade Boffo Over Birch Buds
  • Craft Project Goes Horribly Wrong
  • I think that I shall never see a thing as sexy as a tree
  • Cub Fan, Bud Woman
  • Forest Fun Fells Frisky Female
  • Cootchie Catching Cone
  • Naughty By Nature Lover
  • Painful Pinecone Pentrates Prickly Pair
  • Teasing Tree Triggers Triage
  • Sexy Serbian Stuck, Now Sycamore in Surgery

I know. It's been so long since we had a list.

On the positive side, she'll no longer need an air freshener in her car for a long, long time.

4 comments:

foundinidaho said...

I don't think there's enough liquor in this world to make me think that's a good idea. Ouch.

Roxrocks said...

I want to know why there isn't a "specifically designed products" link?! Hello!

Cat said...

this is awesome - love "Naughty By Nature Lover", it's so old school.

LMc1381 said...

Haven't you heard the pine cone is the new.... wait, oh that's right tree ornament, what was I thinking. Better yet, what was she thinking - that can't feel good!