Friday, September 12, 2008

I'm So Egg-cited

There's a new invention in town--bacon flavored vodka.

Now I love bacon. A food so good that you wrap other food in it according to Jim Gaffigan. But I typically confine my bacon mastication to the morning. Oh sure, there's the occasional bacon burger for lunch or a bacon-wrapped shrimp for an appetizer, and a bacon-wrapped filet for dinner. And sometimes I just make a little bacon moustache that I wear around the office to enjoy as a snack later.
I typically associate bacon with breakfast though. Which means a bacon vodka breakfast can't be far behind. Sure this might be good for game days. Watching through a bacon vodka fog is the only way to appreciate the nuances of the Detroit Lions offensive schemes. It's only a matter of time before I'm only employable at the Gap or some other soul crushing sales job so I'd better get working on those retail resumes.
And how good does a Bacon Bloody Mary sound? With a Slim Jim for the garnish!
There are people who even tell you how to make Bacon Vodka. Brownie Points must be up for Sainthood somewhere. The only flaw I can see in the recipe is that you fry the bacon and then have enough left over to actually put into the vodka.
Now I don't know about your nape of the woods, but there must be a bacon shortage. Because whenever I go to a restaurant and order bacon, there seems to be rationing going on. If I can score more than two lonely strips of bacon I'm amazed.
So whenever I make bacon at home, it often doesn't make it all the way to the table. I may fry 10 pieces, but only 6 get served. This is known as shrinkage. And it's going on in restaurants too. You're probably supposed to get four pieces of bacon with your eggs, but between the cook and the waitress, you wind up with two. Hey, it happens. Who can resist the siren's call of bacon? Especially when you combine it with sweet booze.
Now if they could only get the great taste of bacon into a toothpaste. . .

8 comments:

Reigning Frog said...

Somehow this Ode to Bacon seems appropriate:

While under quilt I did repose,
sleep fighting 'gainst the light,
a perfect odor met my nose.
Waked at once, feet took flight,
sure and swift-footed 'til I spied
a dark, smoked confection.
Sweet, to crackling crispiness fried.
Bacon! food perfection!

A charger piled with bacon, I
did scarf, then looked for more.
The cook gave me the evil eye,
booted me out the door.
So, now, a guest I'll be no more
in homes where bacon's served.

kris said...

Bacon isn't that good. Maybe Canadian bacon. Or Kevin Bacon. Mmmmmm.

Skyzi said...

Shrinkage is never good.

Saw this and thought you would enjoy: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/20/world/asia/20japan.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=japanese%20vending%20machine%20&st=cse&oref=slogin

Wicked H said...

Martini glass rimmed with bacon...hmmmmmmmm

Sturdy Girl said...

I recently OD'd on bacon.

Yes, for a while microwave bacon was my crack. It is way too easy to take along anywhere, is fully cooked and browns in minutes.

Now I'm well aware that microwave bacon is the bacon snob's equavalent to wine in a box, but just like boxed wine the availability of it lured me in. I went from being a social baconer to getting completely "pig faced" everyday.

Luckily God saved me.

kitkat said...

I don't remember the last time I had real bacon. I tend to eat vegetarian bacon (called "facon" in my household) because it heats up quickly and I don't have to eat around all the nasty fat.

That being said, is that you in that photo or some poor soul from flickr?

Dani said...

This is most disturbing. Barf.

t2ed said...

I think Facon is disturbing.

And yes, that's just some poor yutz from Flickr.