Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

In Fresno, California, Antonio Vasquez was arrested for breaking into the home of two farm workers.

Oh, and he rubbed one with spices and hit the other one with an 8 inch sausage. That's not too crazy is it? And I thought pouring milk on a woman was fraught with imagery. That's got nothing on hitting a man with your sausage.

And what strikes me the most? This is a crime of premeditation. You're not just roaming around with spices and an 8 inch sausage and suddenly decide it's time for a little second story action.

I wonder what kind of spice it was? Mandrake? Mexican Pepperleaf? Italian Seasoning? Sorry that's all I got for bad puns for that one.

I wonder if Antonio had just rented Alive?

Can't wait to see what kind of traffic I get for the search term 8 inch sausage.

What would you do if you suddenly woke up and found that someone had rubbed spice all over you and then was hitting you with an 8 inch sausage? Other than thanking sweet baby Jebus of course.

I mean you're not going to awaken from a deep slumber and instantly divine what's going on. Especially when what's going on is so freaking surreal. How long would it take you to realize you're the subject of a bratwurst beat down? A kielbasa ass kicking? A Johnsonville Jumping? A bologna bludgeoning? A frankfurter felony? A banger beating?

I'd like to see someone try to break into my house and beat me with bacon. Between the Wonder Dog and me, there's no way we sleep through that.


Roxrocks said...

What I want to know is if it was a Kosher sausage? :)

Kate said...

Where do you find this stuff? I mean, seriously. Now I'm going to have to add being spiced and beaten with meat to my list of bedtime fears. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Skyzi said...

I am officially not allowed to go to your blog during work hours. Between the pictures and talk of being beaten by meat....my browsing content has officially been tagged.

[F]oxymoron said...

This was clearly a crime of passion... and I second Kate's curiosity, where do you find this stuff?

t2ed said...

This stuff just finds me.

Just like crazy people on the bus.

It's a gift. And a curse.

kitkat said...

So, one of the guys was rubbed while the other one was getting beaten with meat? This is too much.

They must have forgotten about the third housemate who was marinating in the bathtub.

Onknees (not_onknees at the moment) said...

Im moving there. Can you mapquest it for me?