Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Gangster's Paradise Found

In Dallas, Texas, a high school student was told she had to take off her rosary because it was a gang symbol.

For you pagan readers out there (like me), a rosary is the necklace of prayer bead them Catholics wear. And they often rub them as they pray whenever Notre Dame is losing at football or they need one more number for Bingo. That's a pix I swiped from the intertubes over there.

Anyhoo, Tabitha Ruiz has some school security guards at Seagoville High School (home of the Dragons) tell her the rosary had to go because it was "gang-related."

Now having been raised a Suburb Mouse (just like a City Mouse but further away), I'll confess that my school lacked certain things like security guards or metal detectors or relevant educational curriculum. But by God we learned to diagram sentences and spot a hypotenuse and dissect a frog and do the Bear Hug Slow Dance and lots of other stuff that I never use in my day to day existence. We didn't have a gang at my school but you didn't want to get on the wrong side of the Glee Club or they'd sing at your house in the middle of the night with some lyrics that were decidedly racy and you'd have quite a bit of explaining to do to your parents come morning.

But this reporter did some digging and despite the fact that this news story came from Fox News, there does seem to be a shred of truth in the reporting. Seagoville, Texas has a huge influx of Religious Themed Gangs.

Wow, it took a really long time to get here today, didn't it? Thanks for your patience. But then it's not like you've got a bunch of astrophysics research you ought to be working on.

Here, then, are the Religious Themed Gangs Rampant in Texas
  • Bishop Bloods
  • Fightin' Friars
  • Criptatholics
  • Muthadefrockers
  • Dire Deacons
  • Rumblin' Richelieus
  • Automatic de Fe
  • Vaticangstaz
  • SoundaMarias
  • 9 Mil Nuns
  • Tabernacle T-birds (they even have their own theme song)
  • Purgatory Pink Ladies
  • Schism Sharks
  • Automatic Angels
  • Jesuit Jets
  • Synod Sinners
  • Genumuthaflectors
  • Purple Padres
  • Altar Boyz Antichrists
  • Chuck O'Malley Maulers
  • Flanagangtaz

If you think you see any correlation between these gangs and a bunch of old movies, you must be mistaken. Now get back to watching all those Touched By An Angel re-runs.

I'm sure if you keep your eyes open, you'll find some Religious Gangs in your nape of the woods and will be able to share them here so we can all be on the look out for these hooligans and rapscallions.


Nickname unavailable said...

"Genumuthaflectors" is way genius.

In my Presbyterian 'hood, we've got:

The Holy Rollerz
Crips for Calvin
Presbyt-Aryan Brotherhood
Korean Pride
20 Luv Your Neighbor
Scottish Kings
Sunday school Syndicate

But no Presbyterian gang is more scary than the Women's Association.

[F]oxymoron said...

We had security guards at my high school, but all we had to do was throw up the holy sign and all was good in the hood.

Don't forget:

Jewz For Jesus

Roxrocks said...

My kid goes to a Catholic School...they smile when they see the Rosary!

lostinutah said...

Luther's Lollygaggers?

Sorry, that doesn't seem very scary, I guess.