Monday, August 25, 2008

Red, Red Wine

Now I'm am not a wino wine connoisseur, so I'll confess to not being extremely well-informed on this topic. But I always thought wine came in a bottle. Or a box if you're a drunk on the go. Or a bota bag if you're at the football game.

So this, strikes me as a bit of overkill. It's called the Wine Rack and combines the best of both worlds: breasticles and vino.

Now I know that white wine is typically served chilled. And I've got to think that all that wine snuggled up against your body temperature bosom is going to get a little warm. So this is probably for a red. A full-bodied red obviously.

You fill up the fun bags (the other ones) with wine, and then use the little hose (again, the other one) to drink directly from the tap as it were.

Now obviously, this is a sweet product because you can literally have men lapping it up from you. And while they are getting their drink on, hopefully they'll be too distracted to notice that you're going from a statuesque Bacchanalian delight to a more petite sipping cup. But if men appreciate when you're cup runneth (or stuffeth) over, they might be a bit disappointed at the end of the night. Especially when the sweet booze runs out.

Frankly, I think this is how all drinks will eventually be distributed at Hooter's. Sure beats finding a bat in your bra though. But it eliminates the immortal line, "Is that a bottle of wine in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

But lots of the wineries are jumping on the bandwagon and making a vintage just for the Wine Rack. You knew we'd get to this, didn't you?
  • Ernest & Julio Jiggler
  • Woodhaven Wonderbra
  • Viking Estates Valley Wonder
  • Barefoot & Barebreast Cellars
  • Pinot Evil Knockers
  • Napa Valley Vineyard Naughty & Nipple-icious
  • Da Vinci D Cup
  • Senorio de San Vicente Sweaterpups
  • Twin Valley Twin Tetons
  • Casa Ravella Cocolicous
  • Two Buck Chuck
  • CK Mondavi Commando Nipples
  • Whitehaven Winnebagoes
  • Beringer Bodacious
  • Jean Louis Vermeil Jublee Jubilee
  • Clos Badon Thunevin Cleavacious

Feel free to play along at home kids with your favorite vinter or vintage or other lactation liquor. Myself, I'm a barley boy. But I can't wait for the Fantabulous Foster's.

5 comments:

Roxrocks said...

I didn't realize I was "a drunk on the go" because I always get my wine in a box. Mostly because it's 5.5 bottles, saves me money on gas running back and forth! LOL!

A wine bra would be wonderful! It would save me having to balance my wine glass in my cup holder on my garden tractor.

Meg said...

Oh my. I have to get me one of those. I think it would greatly improve my tennis game.

[F]oxymoron said...

Awesome cup full of knowledge... so... how did you come across this wonderFULL idea/image?

t2ed said...

[f]oxy, I know it must seem like I have a Google search set up for the terms "boobies" and "stupid," but I don't.

It just seems that way.

Kate said...

Okay, since I'm a recovering alcoholic, may I please, please, please steal the "drunk on the go" when I get up and talk at meetings? I was SO the wine in a box connoiseur!