Thursday, August 21, 2008

Anything From the Smashing Pumpkins

Oh, Michigan. How I miss you sometimes.

Is it your felonious Playa Mayar from Detroit (only charged with 10 felonies) or your leading the nation in both murders and #2 in home foreclosures or that your City Council is under FBI investigation? Maybe it's all of them that makes you so fascinating and interesting and horrible at the same time.

So this little true crime tip comes to us from far off Lansing where a woman was crushed in a trash compactor at a Goodwill store.

It seems Tyree Monique Tate was fleeing from the authorities after shoplifting some stuff from the TJ Maxx at the Lansing Mall. Unfortunately, she chose to hide in the trash compactor outside the Goodwill store. What could go wrong with that plan? I guess she couldn't get the door to the incinerator open.

I'm pretty disappointed in the Lansing State Journal though. They just went with "Woman dies of injuries after being crushed in trash compactor" for the headline.

They really missed an opportunity here.

How about:

  • Good Will Crunching
  • Shoplifter Flatlines
  • Crook Flees TJ Mash
  • Cops Take Out Shoplifting Trash
  • Cops Capture Compaction Criminal
  • Flatfoots Field Flattened Felon
  • Women's Family Crushed by Accident
  • Police Pinch Planar Perpetrator
  • Good Guys Grab Garbage Getaway
  • Pressing Engagement with Justice
  • Police Put the Squeeze on Scofflaw

I'm sure there are others. And hey, if you can't have a little fun with a future Darwin Award winner, who can you make fun of?

3 comments:

Roxrocks said...

LOL You are the king of the headline!
I bow to you!

Meg said...

You are my hero.

Dani said...

omg. This is too much... I don't believe it.