Friday, November 30, 2007

A Fool and His Van Are Soon Parted

I'm eating crow this afternoon. No, not some roadkill.

I thought the only thing worse than unsolicited advice was unsolicited advice about things you have no control over. It turns out that unsolicited advice about your bathroom sink is even more frustrating.

So, just to recap, here are the current BCS Standings for Worthless Advice:

1) Unsolicited Advice About Stuff That Scares the Shit Out of You
2) Unsolicited Advice About Stuff You Don't Care About
3) Unsolicited Advice About Stuff You Can't Control
4) Unsolicited Advice About Stuff You Wouldn't Change Anyway

Maybe they'll be a playoff so we can determine the true national champion of useless advice.

I'd just like someone to finally say, "I got nothing. Good luck with that. You can probably muddle through this like you do with everything else in your life." That's probably why I'm not on the inspirational speaker circuit. Rubber chicken and a lot of "Deal with it, pinkbelly" isn't exactly what folks want to hear.

Luckily, my new best friend who lets me read his Secret Public Journal, Mike Birbiglia was able to take my mind off things for a while the other night. We had tickets for a concert that was only 5$.

I was pretty skeptical because this sounded like a deal that was too good to be true. I was afraid we might have to cough up some canned goods to get it or sit through a time-share presentation or pass around a candle and tell everyone what we were thankful for. I was really thankful that I didn't have to ask any more stoned college students where the concert was on their campus with inadequate signage. I'm not even sure some of these kids were enrolled at the school. They may have just been roaming around at random in the cold and looking for some snacks.

Mike wasn't awkward or shy in the least and wasn't pudgy either. In fact, he was skinny and he was awesome. I just wish we'd have been able to see the A-Team Van.

Now go have a great weekend. And remember, breathing causes cancer. Good luck with that last bit of unsolicited advice about stuff you can't do anything about.

1 comment:

Sleepless in Seattle said...

NO WAY!!!! I just saw Mike Birbibliography last night in Seattle. He gets around! He was hilarious. Do you think he did all the same stuff? (I thought he was a little pudgy, btw.) I'd suggest not being the boy who cried "Muther F***" but it looks like your getting enough advice as it is.

And as far as your bathroom sink goes "I got nothing. Good luck with that."