And while I'm not officially from Minnesota, I'm pretty certain there's some kind of loophole. You know, the same kind that allows Senators to simultaneously be from New York, Arkansas, Chicago and own a home in Connecticut. I'm even willing to but one of those 1 inch real estate ranches. And I'll raise the worlds tallest bonsai tree on that 1 inch parcel of real estate.
So of course, I've got to apply to be the State of Minnesota's Poet Laureate. While I'm probably a shoo in because of my past work in women's undergarments, I thought it might be prudent to grease the skids as it were with something that was a bit more Minnesota-centric.
This still a little rough out, but it's a start. After all, it is a government gig.
Something, something lots of lakes,
Home to no poisonous snakes [To Fact Checker--yes?]
Leaving you makes my heart break
Excessive foot-tapping in MSP stalls a big mistake.
Blah blah de de lands quite striking
In the woods we all go hiking
There is even lots of biking
When not yelling at the GD Vikings
Depart your shores, you won't convince
Even though I'm sick of Prince
And his dance steps mostly mince
Changed his name, a symbol since
Something blah blah red blooded male
Would take a swing at Kevin McHale
For trading Garnett in a fire sale
Such basketball leadership makes me wail.
Your ex-governor Jesse liked to wrestle
In the state cap he did nestle
Like a bridge with a solid trestle
But caused most folk to burst blood's vessel
So to your lands I must go
Our children tall and brave will grow
Though Ma Nature some weather may throw
Way too much fucking snow.
If that doesn't win them over, nothing will.
Unfortunately, I don't know much more about the Great Lakes State except that Bob Dylan was from there, the lost a lot of Super Bowls and won the World Series over the Braves. And that really didn't help except for being able to rhyme Kirby Puckett with Fuck It.