As a concerned Mid-westerner, I'm worried about Iowa. First, the University of Iowa dropped its annual corn on the cob eating contest. And then the gigantic wheel of karma rolled back around and crushed them underneath by causing them to lose to Iowa State in the big football game.
Now, the Iowa State Fair Board may ban the erotic corn dog eating contest. Who is surprised that the erotic corn dog eating contest is in Iowa? Anyone? And I'm amazed there's no video out there. And I was really looking.
While I have never seen the contest, I am willing to go on record that it is fantastic.
Contestants are given 30 seconds to demonstrate their "skills" while a crowd looks on and is "very enthusiastic and very responsive." Because let's face it, if someone is eating the old corn dog, you're going to be pretty, pretty appreciative. Contestants can also use condiments. And in this day and age of casual corn dogging, if you're going to eat a corn dog, you should be using a condiment.
This year's winner Lacey Schmidt, 24, of Ames not only got Alice Cooper concert tickets, but ensured she would have dates for the rest of her life.
I can't imagine why the fair would want to ban this kind of wholesome, family fun. It just underscores how America is leading the world in food-on-a-stick technology. Being able to eat a corn dog erotically isn't going to send you to drug rehabilitation or cause you to make a sex video that winds up on the interwebs or drive drunk or lose custody of your kids. In fact, winning the corn dog eating contest is something you'll probably want to put on your resume.
Please, Iowa State Fair Kahunas, please keep the contest. It's uniquely Iowa and good, semi-clean fun. Lacey, enjoy your new popularity.