Well it happened. America's Couple, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are no more. I will not dignify any rumors that I had anything to do with the separation. But if these two crazy kids can't make it, what chance do any of us have?
Let's just say that I have some inside information about why the couple is no more.
Top Ten Reasons Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel Broke Up
10) She really is effing Matt Damon
9) He's sick of being forced to watch There's Something About Mary whenever it's on cable
8) Adam Corolla won't get off their couch
7) She finally saw his show in HDMI (High Def, Massive Incompetence)
6) His long diatribes about how The Man Show was "misunderstood genius"
5) She keeps TIVO'ing Dave
4) He insists on asking Ben Stein for financial advice
3) When told she must laugh and laugh living with Jimmy, he answer is, "You'd be surprised."
2) Her 5th Anniversary Gift? The box set of Crank Yankers
1) She finally realized she was the funny one and the pretty one
Don't worry, Sarah. Smile. Matt will always be there for you.
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5 comments:
I hadn't never seen that Matt Damon thing before. Thanks for that. I like that they rhymed Snapple and apple.
Sarah is way funnier and cooler than Jimmy. She really should be effing Matt Damon.
Kimmel's a schlub. I love Sarah! She probably got tired of waiting...
I thought I was the only one effing Matt Damon. Humph.
11) He spent too much time watching aerobics tapes.
12) He bought HER a trampoline for HIS birthday.
He's really effing Ben...
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