She's a Man Eater

In Flint, Michigan, now that police have put a stop to the scofflaws that were wearing their pants too baggy, they've even got a more difficult case to crack.

Now I have been known to wear my pants baggy. Not because I'm a thugg, but rather because I'm a slack ass and know that spandex makes everyone look like a snausage. Except Micheal Phelps. Bastard.

But kids, do you know where the whole baggy pants thing came from. Okay, besides Charlie Chaplin. That's right. In prison. Wearing your pants baggy was a means of advertising that you were a pitcher. Now if that's the form of self-expression you wish to make with your fashion choices, so be it. And I know a great restaurant for you.

Back to Flint, figuratively speaking of course, we're lucky in that regard. Anyhoo because everything else good has been stolen, in Flint the scofflaws have resorted to stealing the manholes. And the grates. Over 600 manholes and grates have been stolen over the past year.

Now I don't want to say that the Michigan politicians have run the gas guzzling economy into the ground, but the average manhole only goes for about $20 at a scrap yard. So I've got to think that the physical industry that goes into a manhole caper isn't really paying off that much. You've got to have at least 2 guys to lift the thing and one of those pry bars to get it open. And a truck to getaway in. This is not a crime of spontaneity. You've got to plan your hole heist. Sewer line plans obtained at the library. Cover of darkness to make off with your ill gotten loot. A scrap man who doesn't ask too many questions. If he knows what's good for him....

Seriously Flint Holers, think about a life of white collar crime. You make more money, it's a federal rap which means a much better prison and you can network with your fellow inmates.

Besides, in Japan they have really awesome manhole covers. I'm just saying.