Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wing And A Prayer

If you haven't heard, you aren't consuming your required daily dose of media pablum. So get to it. It's all the buzz. Batman was arrested.

Okay, he's not really The Dark Knight. As far as you know. But wouldn't a crime fighting superhero/actor who was really a crime fighter be the perfect cover? It's the classic zag.

Anyway, Christian Bale had to turn himself in to a British police station over allegations that he had assaulted his mother and his sister. Well thanks to this reporter's extensive network of police informants, I've got the real scoop.

Top 10 Reasons Christian Bale Allegedly Assaulted His Mum & Sis

10) Mom wondered why there were no awesome fight graphics

9) Sis's continued talk of the nuanced genius of Val Kilmer

8) Extensive criticism of lack of kissing scene in Brokeback Batman

7) Mom's insistence that Cesar Romero was a much better Joker

6) Christian once again pales in comparison to Morgan Freeman

5) When asked opinion of movie, Sis said, "Well, it's no American Psycho."

4) Not enough Michael Caine

3) Mom's claims that Katie Holmes really carried that first movie

2) No Batusi or Evil King Tut

1) It's all an insidious plot of the Penguin

Don't worry, kids. I'm sure Robin will come to Batman's rescue as always. It's always nice when two men can get along so well even though they live together in a cave. Just like Ace & Gary.


Roxrocks said...

I'm curious to see how this plays out. Of course, not nearly as curious about that as I am to see Brad and Angie's twins hit the cover of whatever magazine is paying the big bucks to a third world country.

Dani said...

Roid rage-tastic.