Friday, July 11, 2008

This I Swear

If your get rich quick scheme to cash in big time so you can finally afford that Texas Gulf coast waterfront property, is to own a non-swearing bar, it's not going to work.

That's what a Christian couple found out the hard way.

John & Krista Fleming bought The King's Head pub in Inslington, North London, England. Then they promptly banned cursing. I swear to God they did.

The business promptly tanked. Hmm, people must like getting their curse on whilst getting their drink on.

The CC's soon lost their pub but continue to live in the apartment upstairs. How much do you think the King's Head regulars like yelling curses loud enough for the upstairs couple to hear?

There's a lot going on her. First, why'd the CC's buy the pub? Maybe they were going to change the name and go all Religious Right (who are neither) on the menu. Call it The Crucifix and serve stuff like Pontius Pilot Potato Skins and Jesus Jerk Chicken Sammiches and Luke's Luscious Latkes. And show lots of hockey games with good goalies. Because when Satan shoots, Jesus saves. What would Jesus drink? Cristal of course.

Second, when the brewery who ran the pub wanted to bring in new managers, the CC's barricaded themselves inside. In typical shoddy reporting, there's absolutely no mention of how this worked out. But then if I were going to be taken hostage, I'd certainly want it to be in a pub. "Hey, hey, hey, let's not just run off half-cocked and surrender at the first sign of a SWAT team. It's not even Happy Hour."

So what did we learn this week, kids?

People like to use the swears when they get their drink on. This I swear.

Don't name your celebrity progeny something stupid unless you've got pre-paid therapy arranged.

Always check your bra for bats or ask a helpful man to do it for you.

Wear long sleeves while you ride your hog at high speeds or the "bat wings" will slow you down. Not just the vibrating ones in your bra.


Anonymous said...

I saw a lady riding her hog yesterday w/short sleeves. Arms waving in the wind. I had to chuckle to myself. No one else in the car would get it.

kris said...

Peter's Pot Stickers
Cain's Chicken Fingers
Herod's Hot Wings
Canaanite Corn Dogs
Methuselah's Mozzarella Stix
Sodom Spinach Dip

Reigning Frog said...

Stuffed Jezebel peppers
Abraham and Cheese sandwich
Joseph's Cape Lager
Adam's Ribs
Eve's Apple Pie
Doubting Thomas Ale
Judas Juice
Ruth Beer Float
Colossian Burger

Roxrocks said...

Thank you for keeping us all enlightened on the wackiness of this world!!

Swistle said...

This blog is as useful as the New York Public Library Desk Reference---and not NEARLY as heavy.