Kris Kross

One of my acquaintances recently told me that he likes working with me because I've got my shiat together. This tells me the ploy is going well.

Because I really don't think I have my shiat together anymore than anyone else. I just try to minimize the number of people who see me do something stupid every day. Everyone is stupid at least once a day. You just have to make sure no one sees it. Then they mistakenly think you've got your shiat together.

You know. The spilling coffee all over the floor because you forget to put the pot under the coffee maker. The jamming the printer and winding up with toner all over your face so you look like Jolsen. Those every little day stupidity acts which let everyone in on the secret doofus inside all of us.

This is a story about that.

I was really tired this morning. So I'm on full zombie mode auto pilot all the way into work. Dump the dog, eat a couple of breakfast bars (candy disguised as health food), slog into work, plow through some email, look at the calendar, wonder why it's not already Friday, pine for luxury watches online, swill some Diet Coke.

I finally have to go to the bathroom. Now I don't know how many of you know about the plumbing of men. We always stand because it helps with the sword fighting. That's why there's always pee on the floor and the walls and the ceiling. So I'm attempting to get the lil flap open on my boxers. Can't find it. Not happening.

I finally realize that I've had my underwears on backwards for about two hours. And never noticed a thing. I had to slink off to the small bathroom and drop trou and get arranged properly. Because while it's the best look in the world, getting caught with no pants and shoes on in the men's room will get you asked some questions by HR.

Oh, yeah. That's having your shiat together. Except for your underwears.