I do love me the Ohio crazies.
There's an old saying that it's better to have people think you're an idiot than opening your mouth and removing all doubt.
This is an actual letter to the editor from the Columbus Dispatch. Matt Carmean is worried that using a truck to haul live whale sharks could result in havoc on the highways, a brouhaha on the boulevard or a riot on the road.
Now while Matt lives in Columbus (where Ohio State University is located), I'm guessing he's not majoring in Oceanography.
Matt is worried about a trucking incident wherein the sharks being transported escape. Specifically he queries: "How many innocent motorists would be bitten in half as the freed beasts squirmed and flailed on the road until they suffocated or a state trooper came along and shot them to death?"
I believe he's talking about the cops shooting the sharks not the motorists. But both would work to clear the highway obstruction.
Why do I think that everything Matt knows about sharks is what he learned from watching Jaws (1 - 4) or Deep Blue Sea?
Now given that sharks are an aquatic species, I'm guessing they pose little peril to people on the land. Unless the sharks of which Matt is concerned is of the Saturday Night Live variety. And while these cunning urban predators can move about the land, they usually take their prey by surprise and guile. Be suspicious if you receive a candygram.
Matt's fears can be allayed, however, in that whale sharks are not carnivores. And while they are the largest fish in existance, they eat only tiny plankton. Just like whales which may be why they are so named.
Bonus points to Matt for using the term "monkeyshines" in the last sentence of his letter though. Didn't think I'd hear that today.
So the next time you're stuck in traffic and have the urge to open your door and see what could possibly be causing the obstruction, maybe you'll wonder if there are sharks on the road!
Probably not though because Matt's crazy.