Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Not What They Meant by The Grass Roots

As any faithful reader of this lil blog o' nonsense knows (and the four of you know who you are), I love the stories about crazy people from Ohio. There's just something about the crazy there that goes to 11. We don't have crazy like that in Michigan. But they've got it to spare in Ohio.

In Vermilion, Ohio (45 minutes West of Cleveland on Lake Erie) a man was arrested for driving his lawnmower while intoxicated. I'll type that again just to make sure you got it. He was drunk driving. His lawnmower.

Dondi Bowles (age 50) was arrested for driving his lawnmower on a sidewalk about a mile from his house. Bowles' blood alcohol level was 0.144 , well over 0.08 limit in Ohio. This was Mr. Bowles third DUI arrest in the last six months.

Dondi? Wasn't that the orphan kid from that crappy cartoon? Anyone going by the name of Dondi is just asking for trouble.

I know exactly how this went down. Dondi started drinking on Friday night, ran out of sweet booze, needed a beer run and couldn't drive because he's lost his license. He thinks, "Hmmmm, I can't drive, but I can still mow." So he hopped on the old Toro riding lawn job and headed to the 7-11 for another 12 pack of Miller High Life. Then the man had to pull him over on the sidewalk.

As usual it's the sloppy reporting we've come to expect from the mainstream media. I want to know the answers to the tough questions.

What was the probably cause for pulling him over? You can't just pull over god-fearing Americans who are mowing peacefully a few miles from their house for no reason.

Was he weaving? Or was he still mowing in straight lines. We may have an unlawful stop here.

Did he have ID and registration? I don't think most Ohio mowers come with registration so he may have a good loophole argument here.

How many miles will a lawn mower go? I think I remember a movie with Richard Farnsworth where he was driving his lawnmower to visit his brother. How do the cops know he's not just visiting his brother?

The best part of this story: they had to tow the lawn mower.


Elsa said...

If I'm ever in OH, I'm definitely NOT drinking their water. However, I have to say, OH does provide quite a bit of entertainment. Keep it up OH. What next - one of your US reps gets into a car accident at 3 in the morning, smells of alcohol, is a bit incoherent and the police don't submit the rep to a breathalyzer?

t2ed said...

I thought we reserved that special kind of treatment for folks from the big important states. Like Rhode Island.

Which as everyone knows is really well known for, umm, being tiny.

SarahReznor said...

this sounds like something off Reno 911! LOL!