Friday, May 19, 2006

Tag Tag, Oh Baby

Now I used to be a kid. Really, I was. And Wife often thinks I still am. Usually when asked "How old are you?" after doing something immature, I hold out three fingers and say "This many." I can't help it. It's my inner child that needs a slap not me.

But in Golden, Colorado (home of Coors beer) the games have gotten out of hand. Or too in hand if you ask the police.

Cole Sharpe (age 14) was taken into custody and is being investigated on a possible charge of unlawful sexual contact. His alleged crime? Playing Boob Tag. I'm guessing Boob Tag is played at the Kennedy Compound in a formal league.

Boob Tag, according to young Cole, is "Just like tag except you, like, poke the breast area."

Has anyone really heard of this game? Or is just a sneaky (and clever) way for 14 year old boys to try to get close to the boobies?

It obvious he's just a kid. You never "poke" a boob. Sure admire, obsess over, stroke, nuzzle, pet, kiss, rub, give soft butterfly kisses to, lick, nibble, suck gently.....okay, I've got to stop this line of inquiry or this post will never get finished. But no poking, that's the point.

Now in Cole's defense, he's 14. He's thinking about boobs and the tagging thereof constantly. He admits that he was playing Boob Tag, but not with the accuser. So apparently in Golden, Colorado there are some girls who'll allow you to play Boob Tag without complaining to the cops. Unless it's a totally gay thing.

More of the shoddy reporting we've come to expect from the mainstream media. The real questions we need answers to go unasked.

How many people were playing Boob Tag?
How many boys versus girls?
How long have you been playing Boob Tag?
How do you decide who gets to be it (after President Clinton of course)
How do you win at Boob Tag? (I think everyone is a winner, but that's just me)
Who invented Boob Tag? (Russ Meyer is my guess)
Has anyone told you not to poke?
What is the possible criminal penalty for unlawful Boob Tag playing?
How old is the alleged victim?
Did she act like she wanted to play Boob Tag? You know that's where the criminal defense lawyer is going to go?
Has the victim played Boob Tag in the past?

Now I've never heard of Boob Tag before this, but I do happen to know that Fox is developing a game show around the concept. Some possible show slogans include:

Boob Tag - Get in the Game
Boob Tag Fever - Catch It
Boob Tag - Grab the game with both hands
Boob Tag - Exploiting Women With Their Consent
Boob Tag - Best Game on Ice
Boob Tag - These Guys Are Very Very Good
Boob Tag - No Poking
Boob Tag - We Try Harder
Boob Tag - Just Do It
Boob Tag - Can You Grope Me Now?
Boob Tag - We've Got Milk
Boob Tag - Greatest Show on Earth
Boob Tag - Priceless
Boob Tag - We'll Leave the Bra on For You

Okay, I'll knock it off. But feel free to submit your own slogans or personal Boob Tag experiences. Seriously, is this game for real?


angelatee said...

I have what some in the medical community would call a "huge rack." The boob gods smiled upon me at age 15 and the boys my age once cornered my little brother and said, "Your sister gives hugs only so she could rub her boobs on us." It totally upset him. And it was totally untrue.

Or was it?

Bella said...

I always had the problem of boys pinching my nipple and then telling to whistle or they won't let go. I wish someone would have just simply poked my boob. It would have felt a lot better, that's for sure.