Wednesday, May 24, 2006

And You Thought Your Job Was Crappy

The creeping fascism in this country is absolutely disgusting. Now, our bowels aren't even safe from an unlawful search and seizure.

In Wisconsin, the Supreme Court ruled it was okay for police to use laxatives to get a man to "produce" evidence in a drug case.

When the criminal was being taken down (don't you love cop talk?), he swallowed a baggie of heroin. The police (who obviously know a bit about human anatomy) took the criminal to a hospital and chained him to a bed. This too shall pass, my son. After 6 hours (and probably some crummy hospital cafeteria coffee for the cops), the Man in Blue decided to "assist" the procedure and began to feed the suspect cups of a liquid laxative every 20 to 30 minutes.

Now the suspect had enough sense to swallow the drugs while he was being arrested. He also had enough sense to keep his mouth shut (among other things) after he was taken to the hospital. So why did he agree to drink "Go Lightly" (the name of the laxative and somewhere a marketing genius just got his wings) when the cops offered it? Did they trick him? Sneak it into something else? Threaten to beat him? Force it down his throat? I can't believe he just willingly took it after being chained to a bed. Never trust the good cop either, kids.

Anyway, in ruling against the criminal, the Judge noted three things. First, the search involved "medical professionals." Thank goodness trained medical professionals administered the laxative or things might have gotten messy.

Second, she noted the importance of using the drugs against the defendant outweighed the intrusion. Well, duh. That's why he swallowed them. And I'm not certain where she's headed with this "intrustion" talk. Is she suggesting the cops not wait but go searching. I hope not for the defendant's sake.

Third, she said the situation was "self-created." Because the defendant brought this upon himself so to speak, he had to bear the burden of his decision. Apparently in Wisconsin they define a burden as being chained to a bed and forcefed laxatives so some cops can scoop through your poop for evidence.

Best part of the story? The headline: Court Approves Laxative Searches

So the moral of the story is "Don't hide evidence in your ass." Because they're going to get it one way or the other. Do you think Laxative Search would be a good name for a rock and roll band?

3 comments:

angelatee said...

Look, you're being way to hard on the Wisconsin court. It's not due to fascism, it's because of all that cheese consumption up there! Bags of herion or not, if I eat too much cheese ain't nothing coming out of me within a reasonable amount of time.

Think of the taxpayers!

Elsa said...

I think I'll skip visiting WI. I pride myself at having pretty normal bowel movements (I know...what a thing to pride oneself on), and I don't need any assistance from the local law enforcement.

BTW, this sounds like it would be a good Reno 911 episode. Boy I miss that show!

t2ed said...

I had completely overlooked the cheese factor. Good catch. This guy may just be a cheddar addict and won't need to go for weeks!