Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Dog Eat Dog

There are many things I've learned from my numerous visits to the dog park. For those of you not encumbered with a hairy dependent (and when is he going to get a job?), a dog park is a fenced-in enclosure where you take your beast so he (or she) can sniff many strange butts and run to his (or her) heart's delight so that he'll sleep the rest of the day.

But it's always fascinating to see people interact with their pets. Or their masters as the case may be.

There are some things I've learned from my time at the Park d'Poo:

1) If you name your dog Dimebag, you may be giving a little more information about your lifestyle than you originally intended. Especially when you're yelling "Dimebag, come Dimebag" at the top of your lungs.

2) If you hand out personalized pens while you have a bag of poop in your other hand, don't be surprised if no one hangs on to the pen for very long. And you're obviously in very desperate need of clients.

3) If you bring a puppy, two dogs, and two kids to the dog park on your own, don't be surprised if you can't keep track of them all. That's a 5 on 1 zone, baby. Even when the older son picks up a rock and throws it at the head of the younger one. Don't worry, ma'am, I've got the puppy. You just try to get some care for that scalp wound.

4) Scalp wounds really bleed a lot.

5) Kids with scalp wounds should be used in lieu of car alarms.

6) Dogs who hear car alarms (or kids that are louder than car alarms) can immediately evacuate their bowels even if they are running at full speed.

7) Guinness the Wonder Dog has the prettiest eyes ever.

8) But his kisses are a little too wet for my liking.

9) If you have two dogs of the exact same breed and exact same color and you can't tell them apart, don't expect me to either.

10) Labradors have the most drool. Even when running at full speed.


Anonymous said...

Regarding #6, I did not know that. That's some useful information.

Cocker spaniels pee when they see you.

Jamie said...

Ha, I can't imagine keeping track of ONE dog, much less three and two kids. Sheesh... Brave soul, or idjit?

And Labs do drool a lot. When mine gets overexcited, she actually FOAMS. Imagine the fear of rabies she inspires.

I recently was given my second dog by the popo. She's a shepherd mix. I've yet to really compare the drool factors, but I know I'm not wearing anything without drool accents ever again.

Iwanski said...

The reminds me, I have take my two Irish Setters, "Crackpipe" and "Fourteen Inch Rubber Dildo" for their shots.

Chunks said...

Dog parks, ugh! I bought my dog an acreage so he could frolic in the nature. My dog is the king. Kind of looks like him too, fat belly, hair in his eyes...Guiness does have some pretty eyes!