Friday, May 18, 2007

Me So Horny

While I know about them from the Unicorn Song, I've never actually seen one.

Until now that is.



She says the worst thing is that people keep trying to hang their coats on her. Poor Unicorn Meemaw. She's 95 years old while the horn is only 3.

Seriously, how long would you let that grow out of your head before you went to see a doctor?

Well I know one thing. She doesn't sleep on her stomach.

If I had a horn, I think I'd attach a little bell to it. Because everyone would be exepcting it to honk and it would ring instead just to zag on them. Maybe even some festive ribbon or bunting that could blow in the wind. Then I could make a lame joke about blowing my own horn.

If this happens to her pet, it's a Horn Dog.

If she opens a carnival food booth? Horn Corn Dog.

Went into adult movies? Horn Porn.

Shaved her head like Brittney? Shorn Horn.

Gave it away at Halloween? Candy Corn Horn.

Put roses on it? Adorned Thorn Horn.

Watched Matt Damon in an action movie? Bourne Horn.

Cursed her bad luck? Sworn Horn.

Dumped by her boyfriend? Forlorn Horn.

Found SBJ (Sweet Baby Jebus for you sinners out there)? Reborn Horn.

Yelled about danger? Warn Horn.

Went to a funeral? Mourn Horn.

Okay, I'll shut up now. Have a good weekend, Horn Dogs.

4 comments:

Reigning Frog said...

It started from a mole!!! Someone should get on the horn and warn Cindy Crawford.

Nick Phillips said...

LOL.

Wicked H said...

Is that a horn? Or are you just happy to see me????

Chunks said...

Reminds me of the movie Uncle Buck when John Candy is staring at the Mole and says something about melanoma....