Physician Heal Thyself

So if I'm a multi-million dollar pop-psychologist and hand-holder to the stars who routinely dispenses advice to people via my books, tapes and tv show, what do I do when my son announces he's going to wed a former Playboy playmate?

Just take a look at the happy couple to be. Oh, yeah, that's going to last forever.

Or at least four months. Yes, I'm talking to you Mr. & Mrs. Chesney-Zellweger. Yes, he has to take her name because she is clearly the much bigger star. Hey, I don't make the rules of Hollywood, I just enforce them. An annulment after four months? Ooh, that's got to be worth at least another album of maudlin country music.

But let's not lose sight of our original target. I love that Dr. Phil wrote a diet book called The Ultimate Weight Solution when he seems to look to this reporter (ooh, I've always wanted to do that) at least 25 pounds overweight.

So let's total this up. Kid in doomed marriage, check. Telling others what to do when clearly unable to follow same advice, check. Relentless shilling of books, tapes, dvd's and other merchandise, check.

You're officially my hero, Dr. Phil.

I kid because I care. Actually, Philly Phil isn't so bad. At least he doesn't let you blame others for your problems. He's all about personal accountability which is a welcome relief from people blaming natural disasters on politics, race, religion and the like. Kids, if you EVER thought your government was competent, I've got a book for you. Or a movie if you don't like reading.