So It Begins

I've decided I'm going to get rich with Mrs. Harriet Mangwana. And I plan on posting our little email dance right here.

Here's what I sent her today:

Dear Mrs. Mangwana:

Thank you for your sincere offer to participate in your spurious business venture. While I have no previous experience or knowledge of international finance, estates and trusts or internet investments, I am honored that you chose me out of all internet users to contact via email.

While I’m not certain how you obtained my email address, you did indicate in your missive that you were doing “private research on the Internet” and that you believe me to be a “sincere and trustworthy person and of transparent honesty.” I’d be very interested in this research as maybe it could increase traffic to my blog and they are severely misinformed. I believe that sincerity is the key. Once you can fake that, a lot of things just fall into place.

I am very transparent though. In fact, I’m so transparent that I would like to post our various email conversations on the Internet (specifically at my blog) so that others may learn of your plight. I’m certain that with enough media exposure the heinous crimes of President Robert Mugabe will be brought to light. I will confess that I know little of Zimbabwe other than what I have learned by watching reruns of The Amazing Race. I'm not sure what this says about my trustworthiness as I did exactly the opposite of what you told me to do as soon as I could. But let's move on.

While you have as yet asked for no money directly from me, I have the sneaking suspicion that this is the direction our conversation will eventually lead. I must confess that the majority of my personal disposable income is wrapped up in an exciting business venture – Alpaca farming. In fact, if you’d like to invest some of the 11.5 million dollars you have, I’m sure I could pull a few strings and get you in on the ground floor of an exciting opportunity. In fact, if you have two friends whom you could recruit, I’m thinking the sky is the limit. My business model is based upon the writings of Charles Ponzi. You don’t need much experience—just two friends who are more gullible than you.

Unfortunately, I am unable to provide either my private phone or fax number to you directly, but you may continue to pester me via email directly to this address.

Hugs and kisses,

t2ed