Let's say for the last 2 1/2 years that you've been employed as "an advertising bird." Yup, that's our assbag du jour over there--Kyle Licnecum. Anybody want to bet that Kyle doesn't have a steady girlfriend?
And let's also say that with some regularity you get assaulted in your job. Sometimes it's just having soda thrown at you or being given the bird. Or it escalates into being beated up by a "gang of skateboard-riding teens" or "pummeled and pushed into traffic."
What would you chalk this up to? The growing decay of our civilization? The breakdown in the governing body's ability to protect its citizenry? The total absence of any modicum of decency in our society?
Nope, the attacks are because of "jealousy."
Now I've never been to Houston and I've never shopped in any Mattresses for Less store. But I think Ghandi might have taken a swing at this assbag.
If you dress up like an idiot and get beaten up while sweltering in the sun and making an ass of yourself and chalk it up to jealousy, I'm guessing your connection to the reality is just a bit tenuous at best. But if that delusion gets you through the day and keeps you from going off the deep end, more power to you young Kyle. Godspeed.
Best line of the story: "It was weird laughter."
For your sake kids, I hope no one was trying to drink anything while reading this story.
2 comments:
Hey! I was the mascot in high school, I feel his pain. You put on that costume to bring a little joy into peoples lives and how are you repaid? By having some punk kids grab your tail and twirl you around and around until you're so dizzy you fall down and everyone in the stands laughs at you. That's how!
At least a high school mascot is better than Mattress for Less mascot. But barely. It's much better than mime though.
And no one in the stands was jealous of you.
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