Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Christopher Walken's Cabinet (Redux)

If you haven't heard about it or haven't seen it, some guy has started a site called Christopher Walken for President in 2008.

I'm guessing that's because the character Christopher Walken plays in Wedding Crashers is the Secretary of the Treasury. As the real Secretary of the Treasury is John Snow, you'll understand why Walken is a much more likely candidate. Yup, that Johhny Boy on the right there.

And while it'd be fun to riff on potential Walken campaign slogans, I'm going to zag. Okay, one quickie slogan just off the top of my head. "I can't believe....you're not voting... for me." Trust me, I do a killer impression.

Anyway, on to Chistopher Walken's Cabinet when he's elected.

Agriculture: Woody Harrelson Hey, he's all about growing a nice crop.

Commerce: Joe Pesci For someone who's not been in that many movies, he seems like he's doing okay at making money. He must have something on the ball. He's in charge of commerce now.

Defense: Samuel L. Jackson. Because he's the baddest mutha on the planet.

Education: (thanks to Kim for pointing out my oversight. I'm blaming the onset of college football season and my soon to be near the bottom of the Big 10 er 11 alma mater for the freudian slip) While Michelle Pfeifer isn't a bad call, Dangerous Minds doesn't make her any more qualified that Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver or even Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society. So I'm going to completely zag and go with Gabe Kaplan. Mr. Kotter is my favorite teacher plus he can all those kids to be useful members of society and do something to give back to the nation--like playing online poker all day.

Interior: George Hamilton. I swear he looks like he's never been outside, but has the best tan in the world.

Justice: Sam Waterston. With all that time on Law & Order, he must have picked up something about the law.

Labor: Paris Hilton because you know she'll never do an honest day's work in her entire life.

Energy: Quentin Tarantino. Who has more energy than Q? Of course it all may be due to Bolivian Marching Powder. Allegedly.

Health & Human Services: Jane Seymour. Who would you trust with your health more than Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?

Homeland Security: Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is as close as he gets to the White House. Plus he has all that experience fighting terrorists in True Lies.

State: Ving Rhames. Who's going to start a war with us if you have to negotiate with Ving? Even badder than Samuel L. Don't tell him though.

Transporation: John Travolta. He's got the plane and everything. Maybe let him fly Air Force One for a reward on long weekends.

Treasury: Larry David. He's got more money than God.

Veteran's Affairs: Yes, this really is a cabinet post. Jennifer Aniston. She needs to meet a nice serviceman and settle down. Stay away from actors, you can't trust them.

Housing & Urban Development: Steve Buscemi. I've got a feeling he can help you if you need some development done. You know what I'm saying, wise guy? Again, allegedly.

And yes, I'm too lazy to do the Vice President, Chief of Staff, Office of Management and Budget, Trade Representative, EPA Chief or Drug Tzar.


kris said...

Good calls. Good calls. Although for Energy I might appoint Robin Williams.

Your best call is Transportation. Not only does Travolta have a plane, but he clearly has an in with the Scientologists, which will surely get us to Oz.

Kim said...

Wow, Anonymous sure loves you.

I agree with Kris on Robin Williams. And you left out education. Might I suggest Michelle Pfeffer? She kicked ass in Dangerous Minds.

Marty said...

I have a candidate for Drug Czar:

Ron Slater from "Dazed and Confused".

I guess Ed O'Bannion would make a good Chief of Staff, too.


t2ed said...

Marty: Got a joint? Be cooler if you did.

And it's been downhill for Affleck ever since.

Marty said...

Yes sir...Wooderson was the coolest.

I think Affleck's problem is that he sucks..except when he plays assholes.

t2ed said...

If Ben plays an asshole, is that really acting?