Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Just Another Brick in the Wall

A Swedish woman, Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, has revealed that she's been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years. Eija suffers from a syndrome called Objectum Sexuality which causes one to love objects. Now I'm sure this is a tragic medical condition. Which I'm going to make fun of. Get over it.

Eija-Riitta said she fell in love with Mr. Wall when she first saw it on tv when she was seven years old. Oh, so she's into the stars. That happened to me with Barbara Eden.

Now I've known a couple of women who loved inanimate objects. But they were normally just a bump on the couch. Or took batteries.

Riitta says, "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier."

Hmm, she likes long things. Maybe she's not a lost cause after all. And I didn't think they could ever be too thick. The next time I hear, "Spread 'em and up against the wall" on a cop show, I'm going to giggle uncontrollably. Does this make graffiti make up? Or is this, getting a little work done?

Unfortunately, it never ends well in these celebrity romances. The Wall got torn down and Riitta is now hooked up with a garden fence. Oh, and he was banging the Brandenberg Gate. When this girl says she wants a house with a white picket fence, she really means...oh, never mind.

I've got some more bad news for you Riitta, this movie isn't porn.


Anonymous said...

I think I have this illness too! God, I love my iPod! And my phone! And my dishwasher. I only want to mess around with them though, not marry them. I mean, who would you invite to the wedding?!

Reigning Frog said...

Does she steal paint chips from Sherwin Williams as her porn stash?

Dani said...

I don't even want to know what you googled to find this story.

Anonymous said...

At least her husband is always stiff.

Dunebuggy said...

After 29 years, I wonder if their relationship has grown a bit cold. Like "Honey, I feel there's a wall between us..."

Sleepless in Seattle said...

My favorite inanimate object that required batteries was my '66 Candyapple Red Mustang. Lot of memories in that car.

Also, It's kind of hard to be anonymous with priapism. Don't you kind of stick out like a sore thumb? But that wood be creepy... all guys. I suppose you could take turns holding up the group flag.
What do you wear to the meetings? Sweats?

Keep up the funnies.