A Swedish woman, Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, has revealed that she's been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years. Eija suffers from a syndrome called Objectum Sexuality which causes one to love objects. Now I'm sure this is a tragic medical condition. Which I'm going to make fun of. Get over it.
Eija-Riitta said she fell in love with Mr. Wall when she first saw it on tv when she was seven years old. Oh, so she's into the stars. That happened to me with Barbara Eden.
Now I've known a couple of women who loved inanimate objects. But they were normally just a bump on the couch. Or took batteries.
Riitta says, "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier."
Hmm, she likes long things. Maybe she's not a lost cause after all. And I didn't think they could ever be too thick. The next time I hear, "Spread 'em and up against the wall" on a cop show, I'm going to giggle uncontrollably. Does this make graffiti make up? Or is this, getting a little work done?
Unfortunately, it never ends well in these celebrity romances. The Wall got torn down and Riitta is now hooked up with a garden fence. Oh, and he was banging the Brandenberg Gate. When this girl says she wants a house with a white picket fence, she really means...oh, never mind.
I've got some more bad news for you Riitta, this movie isn't porn.