Nuts About Safe Sex

A man in Silt, Colorado, has reportedly found a bright yellow condom inside of a hazelnut. He purchased the mixed nuts from Wal-Mart. Gee, I'd have figured Wal-Mart to be prolife.

Anyway, it appears to be an actual nut and not a plastic one. No one can see how there was any tampering with the nut. And I think we all know how painful that can be.

They're not pursuing any legal claim against either Wal-Mart or the nut distributor, Diamond Foods. So you know it's not a Wendy's chili hoax claim here.

Quote of the story: "I don't think a judge would give any money for a condom in a nut." Our protagonist is clearly inexperienced in the ways of our judicial system. I'm guessing that she's already had an ambulance chaser call her though.

As always, there are unanswered questions here. Man, I can't stand sloppy journalism.

Someone actually eats hazelnuts? I thought those were just the leftover, crappy nuts that got tossed along with the Filberts.

How cheap are you that you're buying mixed nuts out of the bulk bin at Wal-Mart? Anything could be in there.

Did you use the condom? That's like an omen. Maybe it's a magic condom and if the wife rubs it, it'll grant wishes. Or at least one wish maybe. That'd be a great prank to pull on your squeeze when you want some. It could be like your own little code. "The condom is in the nut. Repeat, the condom is in the nut."

Wouldn't you like to have "Nut Supplier" on your business card? Man, that's even better than "Utility Infielder" or "Lord of all I survey."

Does this mean you get to graze in the bulk food bins at Wal-Mart and eat whatever you want while your shopping? I'd be pushing for something free from the store at least. Maybe free nuts from Diamond Foods. And I'd pushing for all cashews not some crappy nut mix. Mixed nuts, like Mixed Fruit jelly, is just the leftovers. If you eat that crap, you're crazy.

What brand of condom was it? Seriously, how many manufacturers of bright yellow condoms can there be out there? A little dedication for crying out loud.