Get Back to Where You Once Belong

Dave Barry did an awesome column called "A Year on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown" for the Washington Post. A warning though, the WAPO requires registration. You bastards!

And while it's very funny, he also reminded me how stupid 2005 really was.

Now I hate those retrospective Year in Review pieces that everyone does. They're hacky and unoriginal. So one more isn't really going to hurt you. Mostly writers just do it because they're out of ideas and phoning it in over the holidaze. So you know this isn't like that. Unfortunately I've got way too many ideas (in fact 2006 is the Year of Bad Ideas for me) and I was here during the holiday. Check those December posts, I wasn't slacking off. Ideas like the Chia Groin don't just come every day. Well, actually, stupid stuff like that does.

Here's a short list, however, of stupid news stories I had completely blocked out of my mind in an effort to cope with the stupidity of the mainstream media:

• Donald Trump marrying (Mrs. Trophy Supermodel Trump according to Dave)
• The Gates in Central Park by Christo
• Robert Blake walking from murder charges
• Michelle Jackson walking from molestation charges
• Jennifer Wilbanks (the Runaway Bride) and her freaky eyes walking away from her wedding
• Terry Schiavo not walking away from anything for a very long time
• Dan Rather walking away from CBS News
• Natalee Holloway walking away from her tour guide in Aruba
• Martha Stewart finally walks away from jail

All shit I never cared about. Okay, so I was briefly interested in the Martha Story. But only so she could be on Dave again.

What will be the first media distraction invented for 2006? Only time will tell.