Lindsay Lohan has been hospitalized.
Her people are saying it's because she broke a blood vessel in her neck after an asthma attack at a New Year's Eve party. Apparently, Herbie wasn't the only thing "fully loaded" last year.
Bullshit. It's because she finally ate a sandwich. A cocaine sandwich at that. I wish I could take credit for that, but I owe it all to Ernie. Remember, it's not stealing if you give credit or attribute or footnote. Isn't that right, Mr. Biden?
Her people are saying it's because she broke a blood vessel in her neck after an asthma attack at a New Year's Eve party. Apparently, Herbie wasn't the only thing "fully loaded" last year.
Bullshit. It's because she finally ate a sandwich. A cocaine sandwich at that. I wish I could take credit for that, but I owe it all to Ernie. Remember, it's not stealing if you give credit or attribute or footnote. Isn't that right, Mr. Biden?
What other possible spurious injury rationales could they come up with for LL?
- voodoo
- brain freeze from rapid Slurpee consumption
- nailgun prank gone awry
- od from Bolivian Marching Powder
- scanner target
- vampire attack
And if you don't get the article title, think Grease. The key to any good joke is having to 'splain it. Now I've totally got "Hand Jive" stuck in my head. Damn.
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