Plan Your Trip Now

Developers in London, England have announced plans to open a sexual theme park near Piccadilly Circus. It's true, I'm not making this up.

While I've never been to London (other than the one in Ontario and it's not the same) apparently this is just around the corner from a statue of Eros (captured rather crappily in that photo on the right, but what do you want for free on the interweb) which was erected in 1892 as a tribute to Lord Shaftesbury.

As a brief aside, Lord Shaftesbury is now officially on my list of possible porn aliases. It's right after Buck Naked and before Templeton Tongue.

My favorite part of the story: "Tittilation is not the goal." Huge mistake, kids. Go for the tittilation. Heck, go for it twice. I've never been mistaken in understimating how low the lowest common denominator really is. Is my only excuse for the Jerry Springer show.

I so want a shirt from the London Academy of Sex & Relationships. In fact, if they're not available online right now, they're missing a serious marketing opportunity. How about "I got flunked at the London Academy of Sex & Relationships?"

What would the school colors be? Red & Black. Maybe leather & lace?

School motto: Amo, Amas, A momma. That Latin for "I love, you love, she gets knocked up." Or if that's too high brow. How about Truth, Knowledge, a Great Lay?

School song? Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye of course. Runner up, Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi because of the immortal lyric: "Your love is like bad medicine. Bad medicine is what I need." Now that's poetry kids.

I gotta go kids. I need to find someone who makes t-shirts on the interweb.