Bond For Failure

There's a new James Bond in town, kids. It's David Craig, the man with two first names. Yup, as usual, that's him over there on the right.

Now, I've never seen Mr. Craig in anything, but he made a movie called Layer Cake, an English gangster film. As I said, I haven't seen it, but is in in my Netflix queue so that says something right there. What it says, I don't know.

He definitely has big shoes to fill. Everyone seems to have their favorite James Bond actor. Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton or Pierce Bronsan all played the role of Ian Fleming's super spy. The BBC had people write in about which Bond actor people liked the most. And since they're English and he's with MI6, that makes some sense.

I guess I'd have to go with Sean Connery as the best Bond. But man, is he hairy. That's where Mike Meyers got the inspiration to make Austin Powers such a furball. I hated George Lazenby who was just some Australian model they dug up. And after seeing On Her Majesty's Secret Service about a million times, there's a reason he only lasted one movie. Which is a shame because that movie has the best plot of just about any Bond movie they've ever done.

I liked both Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan in the role. But I still see them as the first role I ever saw them in. Dalton will forever be the Prince in Green Tights from Flash Gordon to me. Yes, I know it's not fair, but I always remember him in those ridiculous tights and that bad wig when I see him. He was excellent in both Rocketeer and License to Kill.

And Pierce will forever be Remington Steele to me. Just look at that ridiculous hair. The 80's were not kind to us kids. Sorry about the crappy placement of that image, but I give. Too bad NBC wouldn't let Pierce out of his contract early when the Bond producers first wanted him.

I loved that show. Why won't they bring back the romantic comedy/murder mystery platform to modern tv? Glen Gordon Caron left after one year to do Moonlighting. Moonlighting, a romantic comedy/mystery platform. Sound familiar? I don't want reality. Reality sucks. I want snappy banter, beautiful people doing ordinary jobs, improbable plots, spine-tingling suspense, wacky chases, and unresolved romatic entanglements. Reality is crappy staff meetings, boring Power Point presentations and annoying office mates. Bleh. How did I get here from a post about James Bond. Wow, is that the tangent of all tangents? I gotta start mapping these posts out or people will think I'm even more scatterbrained than I really am. Oh, man, now my internal voice has taken over and I'm actually writing this stuff. And look how long that paragraph is. No one is going to read this drivel. It might as well be a TPS report. I don't mind the voices in my head, it's that they stutter. How to wrap this up?

Go see the new James Bond movie. Like the new guy or not, because you're stuck with him.

Man is that a lame ending. Talk about your denouement. Sorry kids, I promise to try to do better next time. Mea culpa.