It's tonight. Can you feel it? The most important television event ever. Yup, it's Rudolph. Per uzh. And just because they've been showing it since 1964, don't think you can miss it. If you do miss it, your head might explode. It's been known to happen. I read about in on the interwebs somewhere. I lost the link. Sorry.
And don't think you can just watch it on DVD. If you do that you'll miss the commercials. And then you won't buy stuff for Xmas. And then the terrorists win. Besides Santa sliding down a hill on an electric shaver never gets old.
Anyway to whet your collective appetites, here's a little list for you. You knew we'd eventually get here.
Top Ten Little Known Facts About Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
10) Named to Barack Obama's transition team
9) Still has bitter feelings toward Bambi after working as his stunt double
8) Accused Yukon Cornelius of "naughty touch"
7) Has a restraining order against King Moonracer
6) Even more bitter than the Cavemen after losing out to a gecko for that car insurance advert
5) Frequently "dive bombs" Superman's Fortress of Solitude after Mrs. Claus' infamous taco night
4) Had nosed fixed in expensive rhinoplasty after Yukon Cornelius settlement
3) Shot at from a helicopter by Sarah Palin
2) Considers Mrs. Claus his bff. Santa? Not so much.
1) Still won't let Hermey touch his teeth
Enjoy the big show tonight, kids.